I wish I could give you some exciting and melodramatic story behind my lengthy absence, but let’s just skip all that. Instead, I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to.

Got married in Manayunk. Watched a lot of baseball. The wife and I shopped around for a house, found one, bought it. Tried Twitter for a bit, lost interest. Went on honeymoon to the Mediterranean: Ate an astounding amount of food, wandered around a bit of Croatia, swam in the Ionian sea and stared at the coast of Albania, saw the Parthenon, saw the site of the original Olympics, ate some more, and spent some time in the Rome airport, which, without any sort of exaggeration whatsoever – I’m serious, I am not trying to be funny or glib or anything, I am being absolutely and entirely 100% serious and honest when I say this – is the single worst place I have ever been. Came home, moved into the house, spent a few weeks surrounded by my scattered and unorganized possessions and the dog got fleas. Phils got scary bad for a while, then scary good. The Eagles signed Mike Vick, lots of people screamed and complained, I just sighed and accepted the fact that my favorite team continues to feel the need to grab attention for all the wrong reasons. Slowly unpacked the house. The Phils played in the freezing cold, the Rockies almost rallied, the Phils said no. Unpacked some more. Discovered Saad’s. Jimmy Rollins went Matt Stairs all over Jonathan Broxton. The Eagles muddled around for a bit. Wrote a lot for the Naïve’s Guide. Phils win National League: West Philly much quieter about such things than South Philly. Writing a new novel; probably the best thing I’ve ever done. People seem to like it. Old novel: haven’t sent out any queries in a while, gotta get back on that. Phils tease us with Game 1 win, then not so much. Johnny Damon will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Ate at Saad’s some more. The dog got better. Eagles get better, much better actually. Flyers were very good, then very bad, now they’re sort of neutral; no idea what to make of them, as usual. Sixers were instantly bad, far worse than I ever could have predicted. Union acquired some players, and continue to do so: looking good. Wrote some more for the Naïve’s Guide, and appeared on the radio! Phils acquire Roy Halladay and trade Cliff Lee; much to my surprise, I actually sort of understand what they’re trying to do and I’m okay with it. My lovely wife gets me a Union jersey; merely owning it makes me feel like a better man. Eagles play, in the span of seven days, the two worst football games I have ever witnessed. Sixers are still terrible. House mostly unpacked. Union get some more players and I pick my seats (section 113). Watched a lot of “Lost” on DVD, but not nearly enough. Found a copy of “A Farewell to Kings” at aka for $2.99. Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah, I did. I’m going to be a father. Not long from now, actually – in about two months. Me, a dad! That’s really much too big of a thing to cover here, so I’ll get to it later.

[I’m sorry about this oddly written entry, which now that I look at it reads quite unfortunately like that grotesque “European road trip” monologue in that terrible college movie I watched on cable with Matt one time. What was that movie called? Never mind, I really don’t want to remember. Anyway, it was really the only way to sum up the past seven months of my life, though admittedly, they were even better than they sound. It’s been a nice time. Did I mention I’ll have a son in two months?]

BELIEVE

Why must I continually learn and relearn this lesson over and over and over again? You never give up on your team. As I get older, and my mental well-being starts to have more to do with grown up things and (somewhat) less to do with the fortunes of sports teams, I'm trying more and more to live by this simple rule.

Allow me to publicly apologize to the Sixers for being, as of a few days ago, one of the many, many doubting jerks across the country who believed strongly that they would get swept by the Magic. Oh sure, it's still early, and the Magic (almost certainly the better team, all things considered) have plenty of time (and talent) to come back and win it. But on Sunday, the Sixers proved what I had refused to let myself believe: they came to play. Haters like me can suck it.

I'm sorry, Sixers. I really am. You made a believer out of me. Whatever else happens in this series and these playoffs - Sunday was fun, nothing changes that.

And the Flyers! Coming out swinging! I'm a little annoyed that they needed to go down 2-0 to remind themselves to do that, but hey, keep playing like that and you'll be fine. Game time in just about 43 minutes; you know where I'll be.

And you... Phillies... no time to deal with you right now; just behave yourselves until I get to it.

Let's go Flyers!

Seven hours to go

First of all, congratulations to the Sixers for locking up a playoff spot. (I had hoped the Flyers would win and get in too - they could have clinched playoff spots on the same day for the second year in a row, wouldn't that have been something? Ah well, the Flyers will get in, barring some appalling series of wretched events.) Sixers, don't listen to the naysayers who urge you to lose on purpose to get a lottery pick; losing on purpose is the worst thing a sports team can do. It's why the Celtics will be my nemesis for the rest of eternity, the loathsome cheating villains. What would a lottery pick get you anyway? The #8 pick or something? Another year of rebuilding and trying to work a talented yet raw rookie into your system? I say get that #5 seed, beat the Hawks like the losers they are, and then figure out the second round when you get there.

I feel the need to reiterate: No one knows, so let's find out.

Meanwhile, I have little to say about the opening of the 2009 Phillies season, which begins in just about seven hours, other than the fact that I'm very excited and happy and optimistic. The Phils and I have been on quite an interesting journey since they got good a few years back, and it isn't ready to end just yet. They have the talent, they have the desire, they've got the whole city behind them, and they're the WFC, so if you're picking them to finish third or something, not that I'm naming names, Rob Neyer, well, we shall see won't we?

Last year I spent far too much of my time coming up with a Husker Du song to represent each player. This year, I decided to list the Opening Day roster alphabetically, and then use iTunes to just randomly assign a They Might Be Giants song to each of them. I have no idea what the point of this exercise was, other than to see if any of the titles would come out being even remotely relevant.

Joe Blanton: "See the Constellation"
Eric Bruntlett: "Love Is Eternity"
Miguel Cairo: "Lucky Ball and Chain"
Clay Condrey: "Letter/Not a Letter" (this is a pretty irritating song, sorry Clay)
Chris Coste: "Careful What You Pack"
Greg Dobbs: "I Can't Hide from My Mind"
Chad Durbin: "Even Numbers" (Durbin's uniform number is 37)
Scott Eyre: "Road Movie to Berlin"
Pedro Feliz: "Fingertips (What's That Blue Thing Doing Here?)"
Cole Hamels: "Dallas"
J.A. Happ: "Bastard Wants to Hit Me" (whoa! what?)
Ryan Howard: "Extra Savoir-Faire" (yes!!!)
Raul Ibanez: "Au Contraire"
Brad Lidge: "Heart of the Band" (this is a really terrible song)
Ryan Madson: "Fingertips (All Alone, All Alone, All by Myself)" (sorry Ryan)
Jamie Moyer: "Take Out the Trash" (?!?!)
Brett Myers: "Upside Down Frown" (hmm, maybe)
Chan Ho Park: "They'll Need a Crane"
Jimmy Rollins: "Fingertips (Who's That Standing by the Window?)"
Carlos Ruiz: "Anaheim" (will he be traded there, and replaced by Marson? Only iTunes knows for sure)
Matt Stairs: "Hovering Sombrero"
Jack Taschner: "We're the Replacements" (and indeed he is)
Chase Utley: "The End of the Tour" (good lord, I hope not)
Shane Victorino: "Toddler Hiway"
Jayson Werth: "Omaha"

Okay, that was an even bigger waste of time than I had expected. The off season and spring training was just way too long this year.

Time to play ball.

Go get 'em, champs.

Today's rant, and then I really should go do something productive

I only follow the NBA because I love the Sixers. I say this because it's become clear to me that it's a messed up league and if I ever have any excuse to stop following it I will probably grab that excuse and run with it. To put it another way: if you told me I'm only allowed to follow a maximum of four sports and that I would have to drop one in order to follow the new soccer team, I'd drop the NBA. I really would, which breaks my heart because, again, I love the Sixers, but it wouldn't be their fault really. They'd be the unfortunate victims here. My ire is rather directed at the league as a whole. First of all there's David Stern, who might be a literally evil man. Then there's the whole debacle with the SuperSonics, which still leaves a really bad taste in my mouth and makes me hate myself for giving the league money. And then there's this whole nonsense with everyone speculating about where LeBron James will be in 2010 - it's just offensive to me that people are more interested in what's going to happen in the league a year and a half from now than they are in watching games that are actually happening at this exact moment. But ultimately, I think my unease of late has more to do with the league's extreme and almost absurd lack of parity. Take a look at the current standings. You've got FIVE teams who are 10 or more games under .500. TEN games!!! Throw in Golden State and Memphis, each at 5-14, and that's seven teams with appallingly terrible records. Now, I know that's there's always going to be bottom-feeders and doormats in every league, but SEVEN of them? That's almost a quarter of the league. Why do these teams exist, when it's obvious that there aren't enough quality, NBA-level players to fill them? How do they take money from their fans with a straight face?

In the past, I was never one to blame expansion, partially because I have this weird, nerdy fascination with expansion teams, and the movement/addition of franchises in general, but as I've gotten older I realize that it's really the problem. (Most likely not a great idea in soccer, either, but I'm going to just ignore that for now.) I think the league would be considerably stronger if you ditched like six of these teams. A 24-team NBA would rock. But what six teams? I don't know, and unfortunately my favorite team is one of those teams currently at the bottom in attendance, so it would be pretty hypocritical of me to suggest folding, say, the Clippers, wouldn't it?

I've been grappling with the problem of the Sixers' low attendance for a while now. They didn't even sell out their playoff games back in April, which still just amazes and saddens me. I went to all three of them and it was just embarrassing seeing all those empty seats - in the playoffs! But I think, maybe, that I'm not the only one who has noticed the league's almost epic lack of parity, and most Philadelphians just didn't believe that a team like the Sixers - a good, fun team last spring, but not a real contender - had any chance against the likes of the Celtics/Lakers/Pistons, et al.

Which reminds me, take a look at those standings again. Conversely, there are teams on top like Boston, LA, and Cleveland, who are winning like 85% or more of their games, and are unbeatable to the point where you have to just kind of catch them on a bad night, and get lucky, to even have a shot. Does it really benefit the league to have a bunch of unstoppable monsters like that playing games against the doormats? Would you watch a Celtics (19-2) vs. Thunder (2-18) game? What would be the point?

Actually, the main reason I'm pissed off is because I'm still not over the fact that the Celtics were one of the league's worst teams in 2006-07, and then suddenly won the championship in 2007-08, and nobody is brave enough to stand up and say that it's obvious they got that good so quickly because they acquired one of the best players in the league from Minnesota, whose GM is Kevin McHale, a former Celtic, and if the league had any guts it would investigate the fact that it was a crappy, fake, lopsided trade and McHale was just trying to help his former team, and anyone who argues differently is a douchebag. So, yes, this entire lengthy post was just an excuse, ultimately, for me to complain about a Boston team. And you know what? It was worth it. Die, Boston, die!!!

In the interest of full disclosure

Okay first of all what is up with the Sixers? I'll tell you what's up with them, they suck, they're 2-5, and I'm totally disappointed. If I didn't currently own a blue t-shirt that says "PHILLIES 2008 CHAMPIONS" - a real shirt, not one made by me with a magic marker - I'd be much, much more upset about the whole thing. As it is, I sort of think that the next year is going to be a giant break from caring about sports for me: "What do I care that the Sixers have lost seven in a row and are now like 22-40? The Phillies won the World Series! Let's dance!"

Anyway, that's not why I'm here today. I wanted to get something off my chest, which is that I'm doing Nanowrimo again this year, for the first time since 2005, but I doubt I'm going to finish it. I'm working on my longtime on again, off again project Guided Moon - early attempts at which can be find through the link on the right - and everything I've got so far I like, but it's been a question of making the time to write, and it's just not happening. I didn't finish it in 2005 partly because I was away for a week and a half driving Jon to LA, but mostly because the thing I was working on turned out to not be all that good and I ran out of ideas like nine days in. But this year is different. Really, I don't think there will ever be a time in my life quite like November 2004 again; I spent that entire month doing almost nothing but working on Nanowrimo. It was a perfect storm of loneliness, massive amounts of free time, a fairly decent idea for a book, and an almost willfull rejection of anything resembling a social life. I lived on chocolate milk and bags of Munchies, stayed up until all hours of the night, wrote during the mornings and my lunch break, spent Thanksgiving doing it... my damn hard drive fried itself and literally died, and even that didn't keep me from reaching 50K by November 30. It was kind of messed up, but I've never been so proud of anything ever. And now, this year, I have a girlfriend, friends to hang out with, a house I want to work on, a finished novel I want to start working on selling, other writing projects I'd rather be doing... I think Nanowrimo is a fantastic thing, a great motivational exercise that everyone should try, but it might just not be for me anymore.

On the other hand, I'm probably just being lazy. I mean, the Phils won the World Series, I can write a couple hundred words a day instead of being a whiny jackass. Okay, forget everything I said, let's do this!!!

SIXERS!

Yeah, I was wrong: they lost. They were never even really in it. It was kind of horrendous. But I knew the Sixers would have a tough time against the Pistons and the two wins (let's say two and a half, because the first half of Game 4 was great too) are definitely something to be proud of. I think this team will be something special in 2009 - they're building it the right way, and Stefanski (whose hand I shook at a season ticket holder's thing back in March, making him the only Philly GM I've ever met) seems to know what I'm doing. I'm much less concerned about the series loss than I am about the curious lack of interest the Sixers generated in the city. They were in the playoffs for the first time in three years, and nobody seemed to care. I was at all three playoff games, and none of them were sellouts. Atlanta sold out all three of its playoff games, for crying out loud. Is this what we've sunk to? We're worse than the generally acknowledged worst sports city in the country? I wish I had an answer for this, because it bugs me a lot. There are a number of possible reasons. For one thing, our economy is rapidly collapsing, in which case I guess I can't really blame people - I can't expect people to buy basketball tickets when they can barely afford gas. It could also be the Sixers' curiously horrible marketing department - most of the unsold seats cost like $15, and if you can't find ways to convince people to buy the cheap seats, then that's no good and shame on the Sixers. All those marketing people should be shown the door, because Game 6 was nationally televised and there were vast stretches of empty seats, which is just thoroughly embarrassing. My gut feeling, though, and I really hate to say this, is that maybe people just don't care. Maybe there's only so many Sixers fans left - both because of the team's recent performance itself, and the general image the NBA has. Andrew suggests that people are cynical about the NBA playoff system, and had no faith that the Sixers would advance past the first round, so they didn't bother to pay attention. Certainly possible, but it doesn't quite make sense to me... I mean, bottom line, it's the playoffs. If you can't support your team in the playoffs, when will you? Should people just sit around waiting for the Sixers to become one of the four or five best teams in the league? Are people that disillusioned? I mean, yeah, if the Sixers went like 11-71, then yes, you're excused, you don't have to go to games in March and April. But what is your problem? Making the playoffs isn't good enough anymore?

You know, I've spent my adult life defending Philly fans, but if people can't support our basketball team in the playoffs after having such a great second half of the season, then I don't know why I bother. Morons in this city listen to WIP, they drove Abreu out of town, they think A.J. Feeley is better than Donovan McNabb, they boo the Canadian national anthem, and now they're leaving the Sixers for dead. Well, screw those people.

I just hate this mentality that if you don't win a championship, your season was instantly a failure and a colossal waste of time. Well, if you're wondering whether or not the Sixers had a good season: they did. They didn't get out of the first round, but they had a good season nonetheless. You can trust me when I say that, because I'm a real fan.

PHILLIES!

The local nine continues to rack up wins. I really, really wish they were hitting more, but they're finding ways to win and logic dictates that if the pitching stays as good as it is, and the hitting improves, then we should be theoretically unstoppable. It's a nice thought, isn't it? The Phils' shaky hitting gets a test this week against the Diamonbacks' incredible staff. I'll admit it, I'm a bit nervous about it.

FLYERS!

And then there's these guys. I couldn't be more thrilled about this. I'm delighted, even. Already I'm getting warm and fuzzy memories of great Flyers' runs I've followed... the surprising 2004 team... the classic 2000 team... and the Cup Final team of 1997, when there were Flyers logos affixed to every flat surface everywhere you looked. This team feels a bit different though. Better goaltending, certainly, but even beyond that... they just feel right, like this is how you're supposed to build a hockey team, not just get a superstar like Lindros and put some random guys around him. The 2008 Flyers are stacked, they're confident, they're fun to watch... and, well, you know how I feel about predictions, so I'll just shut up.

In the final game of the regular season, the Penguins lost against us on purpose to avoid playing us in the first round (they deny it, but don't listen to them, that's what happened). I think the Flyers should play up that angle. They should refer to the Penguins as the Cowards in interviews, and just pretend that they think that's their name. "Well, the Cowards have a great team, we're not taking them likely... what? Penguins? What the hell are you talking about?" I'm not saying the Penguins aren't a great team, or that this won't be a tough series - I'm just saying that the Penguins' cowardice sickens me.

Right, I'm off to Flight of the Conchords in a little while...

GO FLYERS!!!

The Round-up (not to be confused with "The Last Wound-up", which was a toy store in Philadelphia in the 1980s that specialized in wind-up toys, I'm not sure what made my brain remember that)

Where are we? The Flyers are up 3-1 on the Habs. They're getting outplayed in literally every aspect of the game and blowing all kinds of two goal leads, and yet somehow they're a game away from the conference finals. If they get there, and pick up a few wins from the Penguins, then we can start throwing around things like "Team of Destiny" and other inherently meaningless sobriquets. I missed last night's game because I went to see the Kids in the Hall at the Keswick. Beyond being a brilliantly hilarious show, it was fun because the Kids announced the Flyers' win (well, sort of) near the end of the show... but being Canadian, they were clearly all rooting for Montreal. (Dave mentioned that his uncle played for the '72 Flyers. I'm guessing this is him?)

The 76ers might play their final game tonight. But you know what? I say they won't. I say they win it and return to Detroit. (At which point the Pistons will be really pissed off, I expect.) I feel confident saying this mostly because I feel like it. I've decided to stop believing in jinxes, curses, and superstitions. We're winning tonight. If we don't, then, well, I guess I was wrong. Relax, it's just a game.

The Phils continue to muddle along like they always do this time of year. They won one against the Padres, and then lost one. Sounds about right. But I genuinely believe that this team is very good, and will play considerably better than this eventually. We just need Jimmy. Where the hell is Jimmy?

Hi there, nobody at all

4/27: Pistons beat Sixers, tie series

Well, look, we knew that the Pistons are the obviously better team. The Sixers are a plucky bunch of overachievers who play hard and win games by annoying and confusing and tiring out their opponents. So it was really a bit too much to ask the Sixers to go up 3-1 in the series. But really, did the Pistons have to choose halftime to suddenly get interested and start playing well? They couldn't have dropped another one and then turned it on for Game 5 and then lost a close one in Game 6? I've never seen two halves of a game be so wildly different (well, maybe I have but blocked it out, you know how the Eagles can be)... the first half was a wild dream come true, and we really believed, the whole arena really believed, that maybe we can win this series. That the Pistons were old and slow and had stopped caring and just didn't have another run at the title in them. Hello, I've hidden this sentence in the middle of this paragraph to personally thank everyone who has bothered to read it, because although I don't fully understand the information I'm getting from StatCounter it basically looks like absolutely nobody in the world is reading this blog and I'm starting to feel like I'm expending entirely too much energy on a project that is increasingly looking like a giant waste of my time, so if you're actually reading this then thank you. But then, the Pistons dominated the second half, which was profoundly depressing and demoralizing and all kinds of horrible.

But... it's not over yet, and if there's one thing the Sixers have been good at all year, or at least during their run of non-horribleness, it's bouncing back from bad games. We won't go all the way, and maybe we won't win this series, but the guys aren't going down without a fight. Look for some classic Sixers basketball tomorrow night in Detroit.

And because nobody cares either way, I'm going to put off my thoughts about tonight's Flyers win until tomorrow.

GO SIXERS!!!

4/26: Flyers 4, Habs 2
4/26: Phils 8, Pirates 4
4/27: Pirates 5, Phillies 1

I kind of half-watched the Flyers game over my shoulder as I hung out with my cool friends at The Pope. According to Phil Sheridan the Flyers played pretty badly and were lucky to escape with a win, and that they would've lost without Marty. That might very well be true, but given how they were robbed and cheated and screwed in Game 1, leading to the loss, I will take it. (God I can't even think about that game, it makes me want to commit hate crimes.) Anyway, hot goaltending wins in the NHL playoffs, so yes, I will also take Marty singlehandedly winning games and series for us. Sounds fine.

We caught the very end of the Phils after the Flyers game ended, and it seemed like everything went fine there. Andrew had a somewhat drunken conversation about how great the Phils are: our somewhat drunken theory is that they are very, very good, and will, any day now, work out whatever problems they've had during April, i.e., once Jimmy and Shane are back, and Ryan starts hitting, they will be unstoppable. I really do believe that, though they decided to challenge my faith today by only getting two hits off Paul Maholm and not pitching all that well. Still, 5-2 road trip, I'll take that.

How great would a Sixers win be tonight? It would be this great (and if you were here, you'd see me holding my hands really far apart). Can they really do it? Have they really rattled the Pistons and caught them completely off guard? Are they - bear with me here - are they the better team? I don't know. This is the most crucial game. If they come out prepared... if they keep playing Sixers basketball... and, yes, they get a little lucky... then there might be no stopping them.

GO SIXERS!!!

RUN WITH US

4/25: 76ers 95, Pistons 75

Yeah, that's right, national media and Pistons fans. You just keep believing that the first game was a fluke, that the second game was the "real" Pistons. Just keep believing you can run with us. We like flying under the radar. Actually, what we really like is the other team committing lots of turnovers and missing like 40 shots in a row.

I hope the Flyers were watching tonight, and learned a little something about defying expectations (and holding onto leads).

Oh yeah, and the Phils won. Didn't see it, but I'm sure it was fine.

GO FLYERS!!!

From whowins.com:

In the history of best-of-7 NHL playoff series from 1939 through 2007, inclusive, teams trailing by one goal with only 0:30 left in regulation had only a 10-747 (.013) game record, irrespective of site. Thus, just before Montreal tallied the tying goal with 0:29 left (and the winner in the first overtime minute), the historical probability of a Canadien victory was only 1.3%.

I hate everything and everybody.

And yet, no rest for us loyal Philadelphians; I'm off to the Center in just about an hour.

GO SIXERS!!!

Birthday post!

I took a walk in the sunshine today at lunch, and headed over to aka where I found the first two Mary Timony albums, which I'd been looking for, just sitting there in the used section, right in front. I always find it weird when I find a CD I'm looking for just sitting there in plain sight; I feel like it was too easy and I didn't earn it.

But enough of my ranting, let's get to the sports!

4/23: Pistons [some score], 76ers [some considerably lower score]

Yeah. Look, you know and I know that the Pistons are the better team. I'm not stupid. Neither are Mo Cheeks or the Andres or anybody else. But, I prefer to just chalk this one up to "Well, the Sixers caught the Pistons off guard in Game 1, so they won, and then the Sixers maybe got the slightest bit cocky and forgot that the Pistons are much better, so they didn't play their best game and lost, and in Game 3 and beyond everything will even out". Also, I hope to never write anything so clumsy and artless ever again.

4/23: Brewers 5, Phillies 4

I love Cole, I really do, but he's gotta know that he can't just stay in every game for 9 innings and 130 pitches every time. Charlie, we have a good bullpen this year! Like, literally: they're actually really good! Use them! Hey, speaking of good bullpens:

4/24: Phillies 3, Brewers 1

It's always fun when you completely forget they're playing a day game, and then a coworker wanders by your office and says "Hey, the Phils won!" Judging from the box score, this was a solid pitching effort all around. I repeat: we have a good bullpen. Start scoring some runs consistently and nobody can stop us.

I have a stat counter now, so I'll know exactly when you people are here and where you're at. As of this writing, there have been two visitors since last night, both of whom looked at the blog for a total of 0 seconds. Yeah! Thanks for stopping by.

I know what else I want for my birthday, and it starts in 40 minutes.

GO FLYERS!!!

The 300th Phillies Diary Post!

4/22: Flyers 3, Caps 2 (OT)
4/22: Phillies 8, Rockies 6

Tremendously exciting night for the Flyers, winning their first playoff series since beating Toronto in 2004. (That feels like 4 million years ago.) This year, I rediscovered how gutwrenching playoff hockey is and how super-gutwrenching overtime playoff hockey is and how unbelievably ultra-super-gutwrenching an overtime Game 7 is. Actually, I've never seen one: the only other time it happened in Flyers history was against the Caps in 1988. I'm not sure what I was doing in spring 1988, but it probably involved Legos, and it wasn't following hockey.

Anyway, I was pretty amped about the win, as you might imagine. (I like it when the Flyers win.) Bring on the Habs! I'm hoping for an appearance of Youppi.

Meanwhile, the endless trash talk and anti-Philly bias continues in various sources re: the win over the Pistons that I didn't even see. On the ESPN message boards Pistons fans are calling it a "fluke" and promising the utter destruction of the Sixers any minute now. (Never mind the fact that the Sixers have now won three in a row over DET.) Now, granted, it's a mistake to put any stock in anything that's said on the ESPN message boards, they being the absolute nadir of human interaction. That said, this sort of stuff always annoys me, and I won't go into detail about the levels of depravity I would sink to in exchange for seeing the Pistons get increasingly mauled and humilated as the series goes on. (Well, I wouldn't do anything.)

Also meanwhile: I didn't see much of the Phils/Rockies game but I was pleased by the news. Just to play devil's advocate: were I a Rockies fan (which I am most assuredly not) I would be livid about how they walked Ryan Howard (currently hitting like .032 (I just made that number up)) to get to Pat Burrell (arguably the NL's hottest hitter right now). That doesn't make any damn sense. Fortunately, the Phils were the beneficiary of this nonsense, and we're over .500 for the first time in what feels like, oh, many months. The Phils are in Milwaukee ("The Good Land", as Alice Cooper reminds us) tonight... keep it up, boys.

GO SIXERS!!!

Wrong hat, I guess

What a busy weekend for me to miss! I've been up in Massachusetts for three days and missed an epic amount of Philly sports. (By the way, I've always suspected this, but this is the first time I've been able to confirm it firsthand: the Red Sox up there are like the Eagles down here, except times 10. Every other person I saw was wearing a Sox hat or shirt or jacket or pants or something. I'd be pissed off about it, but they're on their own turf, so I've got no real problem with it (just the fake problems of jealousy, vindictiveness, being a general jerk, etc.). It's only when "Red Sox Nation" [cut to me vomiting profusely] starts bleeding into every other region of the country, that's when those people get reprehensible. I think since October 2004, not a SINGLE DAY has gone by that I haven't seen somebody in a Red Sox hat... and I live 300+ miles from Boston! I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to take these people before I start committing hate crimes.)

(On the subject of Boston scumbags, Bill Simmons has a new column this week - uncharacteristically about hockey - which might be the most despicable thing he's ever written. Just a bunch of arrogant, hypocritical, poorly argued, poorly researched garbage. But that's all I'm going to say about it, because I'm trying to wean myself off of getting upset about that guy's dumbass rantings. I'm not even going to link to it, for which you should probably thank me. (Though if you really want to see another installment of "Dumb Things That Bill Simmons Said", I do take requests.))

Where was I before I started complaining about irrelevant things like a jerk? Oh yeah. So, I missed both Flyers games, and they lost both of them. I'm certainly not suggesting that my presence is required in Philadelphia for them to win, because that would be crazy talk. On the other hand... I'm just sayin'. I've returned home to find a Game 7 waiting for me. Puck-dropping occurs at 7 PM and that's where my eyeballs will be pointed.

I have no idea what happened in those two games but at the very least I'm upset about the loss of momentum, hockey being a game of having and/or not having momentum. Actually, I guess that describes pretty much all sports. I'm not sure what my point is beyond just saying that if the Flyers go back to playing some good ol' Flyers hockey, and not let Divey McScoresgoals take over the game like he seems to feel the need to do, they should be okay. Let's do it!

Meanwhile, I asked Andrew to text me Sixers score updates on Sunday night while I was busy at the seder. And then, of course, I completely forgot that I has asked him that, so when I finally checked my phone at like 1 AM there were eight messages from him relating the weekend's most thrilling narrative: the Sixers' win over Detroit in Game 1! Fantastic stuff. I'm very excited about Game 2 tomorrow, but having said that I can only concentrate on the Flyers right now, so thoughts about the Sixers will have to wait.

And then there's the always perplexing Phillies. I made kind of an ass myself at the game on Friday, which I'm not proud of. Greg Dobbs hit a huge home run to cut the Mets' lead to 5-4, so I turned toward a big section of Mets fans nearby, gave 'em the finger, and started a "NEW YORK SUCKS!" chant. There were probably a few f-words in there somewhere too. Anyway, then I turned to my dad, who was just sort of shaking his head, and he said "We're still losing, you know." And of course, he was right, and we never took the lead at all. My dad's not big on displays of poor sportsmanship. He's a good guy, and a better man than I.

Anyway, turns out Johan Santana is really good. I'm not ready to hand the Mets the division title or anything, I mean I'm not Tim Kurkjian over here, because they still have to win on the other four days Santana's not pitching. I still think we match up really well with them, and I suppose I'm looking forward to our next matchup with Santana to see how that goes. None of this, of course, can help the fact that he shut us down on Friday and we lost.

And then they lost the Saturday game, and won the one on Sunday, and won the one last night. They're 10-10. Who are the real Phillies? The home run hitting powerhouse with the much better than expected pitching? Or the clumsy, error-prone, non-hitting, non-pitching sloppy dudes? I have no idea. It's April 22. Give 'em time.

Not happy about Jimmy on the DL, and I reserve judgment on the various gaggle of callups that happened in my absence. I've sort of written myself into an obvious hole with this ridiculous Husker Du song thing, but I'll give it a try with the new guys:

Chris Snelling: "From the Gut"
T.J. Bohn: "Friend, You've Got to Fall"
Brad Harman: "Too Far Down"

Puzzle over that, won't you? Gotta go.

GO FLYERS!!!

Sixers/Pistons preview

I realized while writing the last post that I should come up with some kind of Sixers preview. I sort of feel like I'm one of their biggest fans these days - since their last playoff appearance in 2005, the Sixers have declined steadily in attendance, and it seems like nobody really takes them all that seriously. I don't even think they've sold out their playoff games, although they did sell out a few games during their stretch drive. My guess is that the city is just skeptical: we love the team, we know they're fun to watch, but it doesn't seem possible that they can keep scrapping their way to wins, especially not against the powerful Pistons. And... yeah, I mean, I don't like making predictions, and I don't like picking against my teams, but... yeah, it's going to be tough.

Still, not too long ago this team was 18-30 and seemed well on their way to yet another wasted year, yet another night watching the draft lottery. But they had an unbelievable February and March, and here we are.

I hate the Pistons. I'm just going to lay that out there. I can't stand them and I'm really, really sick of them. I know that as a Sixers fan I'm supposed to hate the Celtics and Knicks and Lakers (and I do, oh yes, I do), but it's the Pistons that have caused me the most heartbreak and annoyance and pain over the past five years or so. They eliminated us in 2003, and then did it again in 2005 (AI's final playoff appearance in Philly). I feel like every year my season tickets include one Pistons game, and we always lose it. They're just always better than us and it's getting old.

And it's always the same team, too: Hamilton, Billups, Prince, Wallace, McDyess, that other guy. It feels like that's been the Pistons for like 12 years now. They never get any older, they never stop being exactly as good as they are. They just show up, beat the Sixers, and leave.

Of course, I don't think it'll be a sweep, and I think the Sixers will keep the games close. Unlike in 2005, this is a team on the rise. It should be fun, no matter what happens. It's the 2009 Sixers that'll really surprise everyone...

April 13-14: Philly screwed by incompetent officiating

4/13: Cubs 6, Phils 5
4/14: Cavs 91, Sixers 90

Well... I'm actually not going to go on a rant here, really. One, I kind of want to go to bed. Two... the sad truth is that although both teams were subjected to weird, annoying calls that make me hate sports, neither is actually worth ranting about, for the following reasons:

In the Phils' case, they didn't lose because of the Cubs' phantom home run, they lost because they left too many men on base and the same mysterious sloppy error-ing that's plagued the team all year. Still, the not-HR is really annoying, and I don't have to like it.

And then tonight, I personally watched the Sixers win a game in the final seconds (following a furious fourth quarter rally, which came after a long, puzzling middle section of the game where both teams looked really bored)... but then after a few minutes the officials decided that there had been a foul on the final play, so they put 0.2 seconds back on, the Cavs sunk both of their free throws, and, of course, we lost, because how the hell can we get a shot off in 0.2 seconds? Replays showed that Sammy D did, indeed, foul the dude, so there you are. It was probably legitimate. I've calmed down enough to acknowledge that. (At the time, I was probably as profane as I've ever been in a public place in my life. Plus I gave the refs the finger.) What I'm still pissed off about, and probably always will be, is the absurd lack of communication between the refs and the players (the Sixers and their coaches were already in the locker room while the refs were deliberating) and especially the fans - many of whom had already bailed for the exits, and the rest of us had no idea what was going on. I mean, get on a mic and explain yourself. Don't leave us standing around for a minute, two minutes, five minutes, whatever it was, trying to decide if we should keep celebrating the win or not, getting increasingly surly and annoyed. That's just garbage, and a terrible way to treat your customers (on Fan Appreciation Night no less!). The NBA really blows sometimes. David Stern is falling all over himself trying to find new ways to rape the city of Seattle in the ass, but he can't find time to hire competent, non-corrupt refs. What a terrible, stupid disaster of a game... I've never, ever seen anything like that in person before, and I hope I never do again. Weak.

So to cheer myself up, let's just recall the weekend's highlight:

4/13: Flyers 2, Caps 0

Now that's more like it! The Flyers, particularly Marty, looked fantastic. Keep that up and we're in good shape. It got me thinking, though: most hockey fans, and certainly the league, are rooting for Ovechkin to advance, because he's a great player and fun to watch. But, of course, I'm not; I want the Flyers to win. I wouldn't mind if Ovechkin never scores another goal this year, and indeed is a nonfactor for the rest of the series. That's fine by me. Which got me thinking, would I rather my team won, or would I rather be entertained? (Why do I even watch sports at all?) I mean, think about it: Red Sox/Rockies was, by any standard, one of the worst and most boring World Series ever, but you don't see Red Sox fans complaining about it. To put it another way: somebody says to you, "Okay, either the Phillies (or the Flyers, or whatever your favorite team is) will win the World Series (or Stanley Cup/NBA Finals) over the Yankees (or Red Wings/Lakers) in four extremely boring games, OR the Phillies and Yankees will play seven of the most thrilling, nail-bitingly exciting and incredible baseball games you've ever seen or possibly ever will see, but the Phils will lose Game 7"... which would you pick? At this point, I'd pick the Phils winning, and a part of me (a small part, but a part nonetheless) feels like maybe it's the wrong pick. What do you think?

Next: Flyers/Caps Game 3! Phils/Astros! And the Sixers are so angered and motivated by tonight's debacle that they destroy Charlotte on Wednesday, and then storm through the playoffs and go all the way!!!

Roundup of recent professional athletic contests

I have a few hours today to work on my book and do other productive things which is really exciting. But first, here's all the games I missed:

4/10: Mets 4, Phils 3 (12 innings)

Saw the very beginning of this, and then I went out to a bar where I saw the middle of it (when the Phils tied it up) and then I missed the whole ending. I didn't see the play at the plate which Chris Coste has been complaining about, so I will abstain from that particular debate (except to say that the Phils are probably right).

4/11: Phils 5, Cubs 3

Missed this whole game too. The only part I really saw was on a bar TV where I saw Brad Lidge high fiving Carlos Ruiz; I figured at that point it was safe to assume that everything was okay.

4/11: Caps 5, Flyers 4

Yeah, I missed all of Game 1. I was out seeing a film at the Festival called You, the Living which was really cool and beautiful. I figured I could afford to miss at least one game. I saw Ovechkin's goal at the very end in the same bar; I also heard that they blew a two goal lead. Beyond that I am unable to speak intelligently about this game at all. In that sense, I have no idea why I'm making you read this blog, which at the moment is less a sports blog and more a not very interesting diary of a guy who does other things while sports are happening on the periphery of his life, except that I'm not telling you very much about what I'm doing, therefore it's pointless.

To make up for it, here's a great interview with the Kids about their impending tour (I'm seeing them at the Keswick on 4/30), with some fascinating revelations about how they work and a look back at some of their more notorious sketches. I always love hearing about the creative process of my favorite artists, particularly these guys, because I find it very thrilling and inspiring. Perhaps you will as well.

Speaking of comedyness, I got front row seats for Flight of the Conchords, almost certainly the most exciting thing that's ever happened, at least this week.

Finally - waiting with bated breath for the NBA playoff schedule - Andrew and I have tickets! Thus making the next few weeks of my life endlessly complicated.

Next: I'll be at tonight's Phils/Cubs game; Cole gets the ball. The Flyers will try to even up the series tomorrow afternoon; I'll probably get to see this one. Go get 'em, men.

4/4: One of the best Philly sports days in a long, long time...

Phils 8, Reds 4 (yeah!)
Sixers 109, Hawks 104 (YEAH!)
Flyers 3, Devils 0 (YEAH!!!)

What happened: The Sixers and Flyers clinched playoff spots on the same night, within about half an hour of each other - a development so thrilling and fantastic that it actually makes me kind of emotional, proving conclusively that I am out of my mind. I have no idea if they've ever clinched on the same day before - how do I look that up? The Flyers game was spectacular - they've rarely looked so dominant against the hated Devils, and I can't really recall seeing Brodeur ever being pulled against the Flyers before. The Sixers looked solid - playing with a lot of energy and confidence. The final six games are still important, because they're still jockeying for position, so I hope they keep it up.

I must admit that I was not aware that they both could have clinched last night. At some point it was announced that if the Flyers won and the Canes lost, they were in... so during the game we were getting Panthers/Canes updates (probably the first time in my life I've ever rooted for the stinkin' Panthers). Right after the Flyers, I switched over to the Sixers, where Marc Zumoff informed me that the Sixers would clinch with a win... and then the Flyers score appeared, and Marc excitedly announced that the Canes had lost and the Flyers were in. The Sixers were locked in a close battle at that point, but I knew they'd pull it out. These things are only exciting to me, of course, but it was a great moment.

Oh yeah, and the Phils won. They looked good.

Next: With the Flyers and Sixers both in the playoffs, I won't accomplish anything productive for the next few weeks. And if the Phils get off to a hot start at the same time - forget it, you'll be lucky if I remember to shower.

Just to keep this blog on topic: Adam Eaton makes his season debut this afternoon. Come on Adam, just get it together, you're killing me.

I love the way they dribble up and down the court

I've been meaning to write something about last week's Sixers/Nuggets game, but the return of AI has been (wonderfully) overshadowed by the real story of this season, that is, the Sixers' phenomonal play in February and March, and the fact that they will probably be celebrating Passover next month with some playoff games. Why, not ten minutes ago I saw them beat the Celtics in Boston, roaring back from 11 points down with a 19-0 run in the waning moments. These guys have been winning big games for many weeks now, and they're unbelievably fun to watch. But, let's hit pause for a second to harp on last week's emotional moment (and again, I'm sorry this is almost a week late).

I was at the horrible game against Washington in December 2006 on the very day that Allen Iverson was essentially kicked off the team. We all knew he was going to get traded, the Sixers got destroyed by the Wizards (wearing their loathsome and bizarre black and gold uniforms, no less), and it was just generally depressing and sickening. Iverson never appeared in a Sixers uniform again. Now, many months later we can say that it worked out okay for him and us, so it's apparent that the trade needed to be done, but at the time what bothered me most was that the team never gave AI one last game on his home court - and I mean HIS court, because he was singlehandedly responsible for the huge crowds the team enjoyed in the early part of the decade, not to mention their appearance in the 2001 Finals - so we could all shower him with love. The media just doesn't get it - Phil Sheridan, who I more or less like, wrote a whole thing last week about how the city would be ambivalent about his return, because he was such a "love him or hate him" player. I respectfully disagree - it's the media that played up the nonsense about practice, his fueds with Brown, Ayers, that other guy, O'Brien, and Cheeks... not us. True Sixers fans loved him, because there was never anyone else like him, and there never will be again, and he was OURS. He'll never win a title in Philly, and that's a shame, but nothing takes away those ten years.

Ten years! I watched that guy for ten years, so you better believe that I was excited about the prospect of standing and cheering for him upon his return, even if he was wearing that weird, wrong, powder blue Nuggets uniform. (It beats Celtics green or Lakers yellow or Pistons blue, I suppose.) And I did. And it was fantastic. I've only gotten emotional at a tiny handful of sporting events, and I got damn close during that moment.

The thing is, though, when Andrew and I bought those tickets, it was back in October when we assumed that the Sixers would be horrible. We figured we'd cheer for AI, he'd score 40 or 50 in some kind of "revenge game", the Sixers would drop to like 20-48, and then we'd go back to not caring about the NBA. But the Sixers have been so good lately, the "Return of AI" became just this kind of interesting footnote in a vastly more interesting story. And that's the way it should be, because nostalgia is for teams who aren't currently in sixth place.

So... keep it up, Sixers - and good luck, Allen. (And go 'Nova!)

Meanwhile, we're just about a week away from the Phillies, which means it's probably time I came up with some kind of season preview. Check back this week, 'cause I'm gonna get right on that.

Tonight I went to the spectacular Sixers/Nuggets game - I'll have more thoughts on that, and the return of AI, later - it's a school night and I'm up too late as it is. Let me just say: screw the Sixers-hating doubters. Me and the guys and my new hat are going all the way. Go get 'em, gentlemen!

Also, I'll mention that March Madness is the one time of year I allow myself to be a bandwagon jumper - but only when Philly teams are in. So good luck to St. Joe's, Nova, and of course, my favorite, the Owls! Represent the P!!!