I wish I could give you some exciting and melodramatic story behind my lengthy absence, but let’s just skip all that. Instead, I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to.

Got married in Manayunk. Watched a lot of baseball. The wife and I shopped around for a house, found one, bought it. Tried Twitter for a bit, lost interest. Went on honeymoon to the Mediterranean: Ate an astounding amount of food, wandered around a bit of Croatia, swam in the Ionian sea and stared at the coast of Albania, saw the Parthenon, saw the site of the original Olympics, ate some more, and spent some time in the Rome airport, which, without any sort of exaggeration whatsoever – I’m serious, I am not trying to be funny or glib or anything, I am being absolutely and entirely 100% serious and honest when I say this – is the single worst place I have ever been. Came home, moved into the house, spent a few weeks surrounded by my scattered and unorganized possessions and the dog got fleas. Phils got scary bad for a while, then scary good. The Eagles signed Mike Vick, lots of people screamed and complained, I just sighed and accepted the fact that my favorite team continues to feel the need to grab attention for all the wrong reasons. Slowly unpacked the house. The Phils played in the freezing cold, the Rockies almost rallied, the Phils said no. Unpacked some more. Discovered Saad’s. Jimmy Rollins went Matt Stairs all over Jonathan Broxton. The Eagles muddled around for a bit. Wrote a lot for the Naïve’s Guide. Phils win National League: West Philly much quieter about such things than South Philly. Writing a new novel; probably the best thing I’ve ever done. People seem to like it. Old novel: haven’t sent out any queries in a while, gotta get back on that. Phils tease us with Game 1 win, then not so much. Johnny Damon will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Ate at Saad’s some more. The dog got better. Eagles get better, much better actually. Flyers were very good, then very bad, now they’re sort of neutral; no idea what to make of them, as usual. Sixers were instantly bad, far worse than I ever could have predicted. Union acquired some players, and continue to do so: looking good. Wrote some more for the Naïve’s Guide, and appeared on the radio! Phils acquire Roy Halladay and trade Cliff Lee; much to my surprise, I actually sort of understand what they’re trying to do and I’m okay with it. My lovely wife gets me a Union jersey; merely owning it makes me feel like a better man. Eagles play, in the span of seven days, the two worst football games I have ever witnessed. Sixers are still terrible. House mostly unpacked. Union get some more players and I pick my seats (section 113). Watched a lot of “Lost” on DVD, but not nearly enough. Found a copy of “A Farewell to Kings” at aka for $2.99. Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah, I did. I’m going to be a father. Not long from now, actually – in about two months. Me, a dad! That’s really much too big of a thing to cover here, so I’ll get to it later.

[I’m sorry about this oddly written entry, which now that I look at it reads quite unfortunately like that grotesque “European road trip” monologue in that terrible college movie I watched on cable with Matt one time. What was that movie called? Never mind, I really don’t want to remember. Anyway, it was really the only way to sum up the past seven months of my life, though admittedly, they were even better than they sound. It’s been a nice time. Did I mention I’ll have a son in two months?]

Springtime

Do you hear it? Do you feel it? The crack of the bat? The pop of the glove? The squishy surgery noises of another Phillies pitcher's knee? The swelling, cartoony balloon noise of an expanding soccer league? The vultures circling my house, in crazed, desperate need of fresh carrion? I have no idea what that last one means.

It's cold and rainy here in Mummer Country, but I can smell some spring training. You getting that, wherever you are? Yeah, I know you can.

The Phils actually play a game tonight - a fake one, and in this case a really fake one, against some college. So it's like a fake fake game. The first real fake game is tomorrow. The first real real game is March 31 - I've got my ticket!

Andrew and I are talking about our first road trip of the year: Cincinnati, April 4-6. I know nothing at all about Cincinnati. I've driven through it once or twice. Anyone know anything about Cincinnati? Post a comment to recommend something cool in Cincy. I read today that the signature dish there, available pretty much everywhere with cheesesteak-level ubiquity, is a pile of spicy chili served on a plate of spaghetti. That's kind of deranged, but I want it.

I know I say this every spring but I think this is the year I'm actually going to update this every day, or at least for every game. I mean, I'm pretty sure they're going to win 120, maybe 125 games, and I want to be on top of it!

Misty water-colored memories

The following easily-recognizable, non-threatening iconography should give a good idea of what we did in California:

Or go ask Matt, we did basically the same stuff.