I wish I could give you some exciting and melodramatic story behind my lengthy absence, but let’s just skip all that. Instead, I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to.

Got married in Manayunk. Watched a lot of baseball. The wife and I shopped around for a house, found one, bought it. Tried Twitter for a bit, lost interest. Went on honeymoon to the Mediterranean: Ate an astounding amount of food, wandered around a bit of Croatia, swam in the Ionian sea and stared at the coast of Albania, saw the Parthenon, saw the site of the original Olympics, ate some more, and spent some time in the Rome airport, which, without any sort of exaggeration whatsoever – I’m serious, I am not trying to be funny or glib or anything, I am being absolutely and entirely 100% serious and honest when I say this – is the single worst place I have ever been. Came home, moved into the house, spent a few weeks surrounded by my scattered and unorganized possessions and the dog got fleas. Phils got scary bad for a while, then scary good. The Eagles signed Mike Vick, lots of people screamed and complained, I just sighed and accepted the fact that my favorite team continues to feel the need to grab attention for all the wrong reasons. Slowly unpacked the house. The Phils played in the freezing cold, the Rockies almost rallied, the Phils said no. Unpacked some more. Discovered Saad’s. Jimmy Rollins went Matt Stairs all over Jonathan Broxton. The Eagles muddled around for a bit. Wrote a lot for the Naïve’s Guide. Phils win National League: West Philly much quieter about such things than South Philly. Writing a new novel; probably the best thing I’ve ever done. People seem to like it. Old novel: haven’t sent out any queries in a while, gotta get back on that. Phils tease us with Game 1 win, then not so much. Johnny Damon will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Ate at Saad’s some more. The dog got better. Eagles get better, much better actually. Flyers were very good, then very bad, now they’re sort of neutral; no idea what to make of them, as usual. Sixers were instantly bad, far worse than I ever could have predicted. Union acquired some players, and continue to do so: looking good. Wrote some more for the Naïve’s Guide, and appeared on the radio! Phils acquire Roy Halladay and trade Cliff Lee; much to my surprise, I actually sort of understand what they’re trying to do and I’m okay with it. My lovely wife gets me a Union jersey; merely owning it makes me feel like a better man. Eagles play, in the span of seven days, the two worst football games I have ever witnessed. Sixers are still terrible. House mostly unpacked. Union get some more players and I pick my seats (section 113). Watched a lot of “Lost” on DVD, but not nearly enough. Found a copy of “A Farewell to Kings” at aka for $2.99. Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah, I did. I’m going to be a father. Not long from now, actually – in about two months. Me, a dad! That’s really much too big of a thing to cover here, so I’ll get to it later.

[I’m sorry about this oddly written entry, which now that I look at it reads quite unfortunately like that grotesque “European road trip” monologue in that terrible college movie I watched on cable with Matt one time. What was that movie called? Never mind, I really don’t want to remember. Anyway, it was really the only way to sum up the past seven months of my life, though admittedly, they were even better than they sound. It’s been a nice time. Did I mention I’ll have a son in two months?]

OLYMPIC PREVIEW!!!

Oh yeah - the freakin' OLYMPICS start this week!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I am in hog heaven!

I can't explain to you why I love the Olympics so much. I mean, I would never watch water polo or shot put at any other time, and yet once every four years, for two weeks, I literally can't get enough badminton or air rifle. I guess it's the pageantry, the sight of all those countries and flags, the nonstop media coverage, that wicked rad Olympic theme song. I can't get enough. I repeat: hog heaven!

This isn't a traditional, or indeed even particularly useful, Olympic preview. I haven't the slightest idea who will win the women's 200m butterfly. On the subject of who will take home bronze in men's field hockey, I am singularly clueless. I have a feeling the US will win the gold in men's basketball, and will probably not medal in men's soccer, but beyond that it's all just going to be a flurry of names and flags and running and jumping, and periodically a medal will be awarded and an anthem played, and come September I won't remember it much and will care only about the Phils anyway. But that isn't the issue.

This is an "Olympic Preview" only in the sense that very soon I am going to be in full-on Olympic mode, and I have started preparing for the challenge that's being set before me: that is, for the next 2+ weeks, I have to figure out a way to watch as much of the like 125 hours of coverage a day as I can (on FIVE channels!), while simultaneously having a job, giving equal time to my lovely ladyfriend, hanging with my other pals, hosting Andrew's bachelor party and attending the subsequent wedding (oh crap, I need to get my suit drycleaned, somebody remind me), following the Phils, monitoring the Daily Show for Kristen Schaal appearances, continuing my general, constantly vigilant homeownership, working on my book and other creative things... it never ends, really. Sacrifices will have to be made. For example, will I dare skip going to the gym so I can get home early enough to catch some middleweight boxing on CNBC before dinner? These are the questions that plague my days! Heavy is the head that wears the Olympic-watching crown! (I have no clue what that means.)

Ah, I'll figure it out. Swifter, higher, stronger, baby!