I wish I could give you some exciting and melodramatic story behind my lengthy absence, but let’s just skip all that. Instead, I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to.

Got married in Manayunk. Watched a lot of baseball. The wife and I shopped around for a house, found one, bought it. Tried Twitter for a bit, lost interest. Went on honeymoon to the Mediterranean: Ate an astounding amount of food, wandered around a bit of Croatia, swam in the Ionian sea and stared at the coast of Albania, saw the Parthenon, saw the site of the original Olympics, ate some more, and spent some time in the Rome airport, which, without any sort of exaggeration whatsoever – I’m serious, I am not trying to be funny or glib or anything, I am being absolutely and entirely 100% serious and honest when I say this – is the single worst place I have ever been. Came home, moved into the house, spent a few weeks surrounded by my scattered and unorganized possessions and the dog got fleas. Phils got scary bad for a while, then scary good. The Eagles signed Mike Vick, lots of people screamed and complained, I just sighed and accepted the fact that my favorite team continues to feel the need to grab attention for all the wrong reasons. Slowly unpacked the house. The Phils played in the freezing cold, the Rockies almost rallied, the Phils said no. Unpacked some more. Discovered Saad’s. Jimmy Rollins went Matt Stairs all over Jonathan Broxton. The Eagles muddled around for a bit. Wrote a lot for the Naïve’s Guide. Phils win National League: West Philly much quieter about such things than South Philly. Writing a new novel; probably the best thing I’ve ever done. People seem to like it. Old novel: haven’t sent out any queries in a while, gotta get back on that. Phils tease us with Game 1 win, then not so much. Johnny Damon will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Ate at Saad’s some more. The dog got better. Eagles get better, much better actually. Flyers were very good, then very bad, now they’re sort of neutral; no idea what to make of them, as usual. Sixers were instantly bad, far worse than I ever could have predicted. Union acquired some players, and continue to do so: looking good. Wrote some more for the Naïve’s Guide, and appeared on the radio! Phils acquire Roy Halladay and trade Cliff Lee; much to my surprise, I actually sort of understand what they’re trying to do and I’m okay with it. My lovely wife gets me a Union jersey; merely owning it makes me feel like a better man. Eagles play, in the span of seven days, the two worst football games I have ever witnessed. Sixers are still terrible. House mostly unpacked. Union get some more players and I pick my seats (section 113). Watched a lot of “Lost” on DVD, but not nearly enough. Found a copy of “A Farewell to Kings” at aka for $2.99. Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah, I did. I’m going to be a father. Not long from now, actually – in about two months. Me, a dad! That’s really much too big of a thing to cover here, so I’ll get to it later.

[I’m sorry about this oddly written entry, which now that I look at it reads quite unfortunately like that grotesque “European road trip” monologue in that terrible college movie I watched on cable with Matt one time. What was that movie called? Never mind, I really don’t want to remember. Anyway, it was really the only way to sum up the past seven months of my life, though admittedly, they were even better than they sound. It’s been a nice time. Did I mention I’ll have a son in two months?]

Twitter

I'm trying it out as a way to rethink sports, writing, and sportswriting. This blog isn't going away (it never does), so put down that knife!

Hey look, I'm in the paper.

Meanwhile, I've think I've found a kind of end-around for the writer's block which I've had for a few weeks and have diligently and unsuccessfully tried to ignore: I'm going to abandon that one thing, and try writing something else.

It's so crazy, it just might work.

More soon, I hope.

(Also: I never update this blog... so why, I ask, am I seriously considering starting another one, devoted to the soccer team? Is that just stupid?)

Wish me luck

Can't talk - querying literary agents as part of next step toward culmination of lifelong dream. Back in a bit.

In the interest of full disclosure

Okay first of all what is up with the Sixers? I'll tell you what's up with them, they suck, they're 2-5, and I'm totally disappointed. If I didn't currently own a blue t-shirt that says "PHILLIES 2008 CHAMPIONS" - a real shirt, not one made by me with a magic marker - I'd be much, much more upset about the whole thing. As it is, I sort of think that the next year is going to be a giant break from caring about sports for me: "What do I care that the Sixers have lost seven in a row and are now like 22-40? The Phillies won the World Series! Let's dance!"

Anyway, that's not why I'm here today. I wanted to get something off my chest, which is that I'm doing Nanowrimo again this year, for the first time since 2005, but I doubt I'm going to finish it. I'm working on my longtime on again, off again project Guided Moon - early attempts at which can be find through the link on the right - and everything I've got so far I like, but it's been a question of making the time to write, and it's just not happening. I didn't finish it in 2005 partly because I was away for a week and a half driving Jon to LA, but mostly because the thing I was working on turned out to not be all that good and I ran out of ideas like nine days in. But this year is different. Really, I don't think there will ever be a time in my life quite like November 2004 again; I spent that entire month doing almost nothing but working on Nanowrimo. It was a perfect storm of loneliness, massive amounts of free time, a fairly decent idea for a book, and an almost willfull rejection of anything resembling a social life. I lived on chocolate milk and bags of Munchies, stayed up until all hours of the night, wrote during the mornings and my lunch break, spent Thanksgiving doing it... my damn hard drive fried itself and literally died, and even that didn't keep me from reaching 50K by November 30. It was kind of messed up, but I've never been so proud of anything ever. And now, this year, I have a girlfriend, friends to hang out with, a house I want to work on, a finished novel I want to start working on selling, other writing projects I'd rather be doing... I think Nanowrimo is a fantastic thing, a great motivational exercise that everyone should try, but it might just not be for me anymore.

On the other hand, I'm probably just being lazy. I mean, the Phils won the World Series, I can write a couple hundred words a day instead of being a whiny jackass. Okay, forget everything I said, let's do this!!!

ANNOUNCEMENT

If you're looking for something to do before Game 5, I have just the thing. My writer's group Steak Fiction will be holding a reading of original short stories on Monday, October 27, at Fergie's (1214 Sansom Street), from 6:30 to 8:30. (I won't be offended if you leave early for the game, but I can't speak for the rest of the group.) I'm reading first, and go on promptly at 6:30, so come on by and say hello.

Thanks!

Fightins 6, Crew 3, and I wrote a book

The reason I haven't been around all summer is because I wanted to finally, finally finish the novel I've been working on for... I don't want to say. A really long time. My entire adult life? No, not really, but it's up there. But anyway, I'm done now. I did it. On to phase 2: finding someone to pay me for the privilege of reading it. It feels weird to be at this point, and at the same time anticlimactic and, like, whatever. A long time coming, let's just say that.

By the way, if you're a longtime reader with a startlingly long memory, you will recall my entry from December 20, 2006 in which I claimed to have finished my novel. Yeah, it's true. That happened. But that was the first draft. This is the final draft. Much has happened to me, and the world, and the Phillies in between. Trust me, the book's much better now. And shorter. My god, it's so much shorter and better now.

My fond hope is to do something else with my free time now. Enough of that novel, time to embark on one of the other novel ideas I have! It never ends. Nor would I want it to.

Also, in celebration of this occasion, I now have a Facebook page! What does that have to do with anything? I don't know. I just felt compelled to make one. So go hunt that down, if you feel the need.

Meanwhile, I've neglected this site. I admit that. So much has happened, much more than I can recount in this space, so I won't bother trying. But I feel like I should say something, here in the waning days of this baffling, frustrating, monstrously weird season. I've been thinking a lot about the dynamics of sports fandom - what it means, how fans should act, how players should respond. It's old news now (such is the danger of only updating your blog once a month) but surely you remember when Jimmy Rollins - the MVP, the hero of 2007, lifelong Phillie - called us (me!) "frontrunners" a few weeks back, his reasoning being that we cheer when the team's good and boo when they're bad. Stop booing us, Jimmy pleaded, and give us your support through thick and thin, because it helps us play better.

Enough's been written about this already so I won't harp on it. I'll just mention that the team is due to shatter attendance records this year, and they've had many, many sellouts, despite the fact that they can't hit this year and have underachieved in ghastly ways. Philly LOVES this team these days, even though they're just as annoying as they've ever been.

And of course, I stand by the old argument that while I agree it would be nice if nobody booed anybody, that isn't going to happen, and fans have every right to do it if they feel like it, and players just need to either (a) ignore it, (b) laugh it off, or (c) calm down.

But today ESPN had this piece about Cubs fans and how they're eternally faithful despite the team's notorious ineptitude and heartbreaking-ness. Now, like all sensible people I loathe the Cubs and their lunatic drama queen scumbag followers, and I hope they go another 100 years without a World Series, because that would be hilarious. But being the big softy I am, I can't help but be just the slightest bit touched by their unwavering loyalty. I was at Wednesday's wretched loss to the Marlins, and it just pissed me off and I decided that the Phils were terrible and the season was over and I hated them. But then I started reading about these crazy Cubs fans and I was like, "Yeah, you know what, you never give up on your team, dude. That's what Astros fans did in that World Series. That's what Marlins fans do all the time. Screw that. Go Phils!"

So I wondered: should we be more like that? Should we applaud every player, even if they hack wildly at the first pitch with two outs like a moron? By god, should I have spent 2005 cheering for Endy Chavez, instead of squealing with hatred every time he entered a game? Should we be more loving and warm and fuzzy? Are we, in short, just a bunch of assholes?

Wait a minute. Where am I even going with this? (Why do I start writing things without knowing how it's going to end? God help me, I don't know.) Of course we shouldn't be like that. That isn't the Philly way! Nobody waxes poetic about Phillies fans. Jimmy Fallon doesn't make crappy movies about being a Phillies fan (thankfully). ESPN hasn't asked to do a melodramatic profile of me. We suffer alone, with nobody else in the country on our side, and yeah, it's made us kind of surly. Hell no, I wasn't going to just clap and say, "Yeah, Rod Barajas, hitting into a double play was the worst possible thing you could have done there, but you know what? Great effort! In fact, now that I think about it... I love you, Rod Barajas." No, no, no. See, what Jimmy Rollins doesn't understand (and I can't see why, he's been here long enough) is that we love our teams, our Phillies, love them just as much as any Cubs fan or Red Sox fan or A's or Yankees or Royals fan does... we just have a different way of showing it. If we were "frontrunners", you weird little man, we wouldn't show up to games at all. But we do, and we're gonna boo your underachieving ass. We booed Adam Eaton not because we're rooting for him to fail, we do it because he's wearing the uniform of our favorite team and he's pitching like a dumbass. We are SO DISAPPOINTED, so mind-numbingly crushed, by the team's incessant failure, and this is how we've chosen to show it, from generation to generation, and we're not going to stop. Don't like the booing? Then win us a World Series. Chop chop!

So screw Billy Corgan and screw the Cubs. This is Philly, people. We can't hit, our rotation is all messed up, we're 3 games behind the Mets and 3 behind the Brewers, and we've only got 15 games left. Buckle up!

"Oh well, he's not the first oily man to take Mom to the mat!"
-Trace Beaulieu

Slices of my life since the overrated irrelevance known as the All-Star Break: I bought an iPod; went on vacation to Rehoboth Beach, DE; built shelves for my CDs; more bike-riding and subsequent sweating; oh yeah, and the Phils went through a ghastly five or six week stretch where they never once made contact with a baseball and were shut out about 45 times in a row. Or something like that. One day, I was so horrified by their crappy play that I talked myself into believing that they should sell all their players off at the trade deadline and start over. I kind of overreact to things sometimes.

As of this writing the boys are still in first place, by 0.5 games, and there's a lot of baseballery still to come. I told you back in March this would be fun! I need to shut up and listen to myself more often.

Anyway, I missed a few roster moves so here are Husker Du songs for the guys that have arrived (and occasionally left) in my absence:

Mike Cervenak: "Dreams Reoccuring"
J.A. Happ: "Afraid of Being Wrong"
Joe Blanton: "Bricklayer"
R.J. Swindle: "Real World"

Also, the second draft of my novel is almost done, and when I say "almost", I mean there's still some work I need to do on it, and I'd much rather be doing that right now, so I'm off to do that. Let's go Phils, am I right?

Uh... Vengeance Now...?

...or failing that, I'll take a win.

Busy times here (still). I was at the Phils' win over the Braves on Tuesday and missed Game 3. Well, apparently I didn't really "miss" Game 3, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Regular updates will resume once I get to watch some Phillies games regularly, which, excepting Tuesday's game, I really haven't been doing. I've got a million things going on, plus my project for this summer (amongst like nine other things I want to do) is to FINALLY FINISH THIS DAMN NOVEL instead of spending the next 40 years continually editing it like I'm freakin' Henry Darger. So that will consume like 90% of my writing energy. But this blog will not be forgotten. Dear reader(s), you have my word that I am doing everything in my power to keep my promise to update after (nearly) every Phillies game, instead of letting that promise, like so many other promises I have made throughout my life, become yet another strand in the tangled web of lies I've spent my 32 years spinning.

Let's keep it simple. Don't worry about the Phillies right now, they're doing their usual "Are they good? Or are they going to stab me in the heart and laugh at my screams of pain?" thing that they do every year. They're pros. They've got it down at this point. In some small way, if they were just incredibly good and were like 30-11, I think I'd be more confused than anything else. 22-19 I can handle; it sounds like a Phillies kind of record. They'll be fine.

It's the Flyers we need to worry about. They're down 3-0. The Penguins are just waxing the floor with them. They're clearly the inferior team. According to the indispensibly terrific whowins.com, they've not only never won a series after going 3-0 (obviously) but they have in fact NEVER won Game 4 in those situations. Which is pretty remarkable. Not to mention desperately sad and ominous.

The cool thing about these Flyers, particularly in the playoffs, is how resilient they've been. Yes, that's officially the 1,000,000th use of the word "resilient" in reference to the Flyers this year (for which I think I get a cash prize and a gift certificate to the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees). But it's true! However, I wonder if now they're just out of gas. You have to believe how much I hate saying that, but I mean, they've lost their two best defensemen and they're just getting killed.

However: what can I do? Give up them now? I didn't do that when they were getting swept in 1997, and I'm not going to do it now. The game starts in like 10 minutes, and I'll be in front of the TV, yelling and acting like an idiot. It's what I do. But you knew that already.

Cross your fingers, dear reader(s), the guys need you.

Once and for all, LET'S GO FLYERS!!!

4/12: Phils 7, Cubs 1

"I wish I could go back to the beginning of the season... put some money on the Cubbies!"
-Charles Fleischer, 1989

Anyway, great game, with my dad and I in attendance. Cole looks incredible, and the hitting is picking up, even without the MVP in the lineup (and it looks like Shane might be out now too... injuries suck, one wonders if we could have won 100 games with a healthy lineup last year!)

Our section (418) has become the "group" section where they stick groups. Sometimes you don't even notice, other times the groups are horrible. Last night we were surrounded by the douchiest bunch of douches who ever douched. They were total douches. I felt like I was actually in the douche aisle at Rite Aid. I mean - here's the thing. No human being is capable of yelling loud enough that a baseball player can hear them yelling all the way from section 418. Maybe if he was the only fan in the entire stadium, but not in a sellout crowd of 45K. So either (a) they're not aware of this simple principle, in which case they're morons, or (b) they know this, and the yelling is not really for the benefit of the players, and they're just trying to be funny and entertain the crowd. The latter seems more likely, in which case they're douchebags, and they need to understand that they're annoying and not funny and I hate them.

I mean, really, do you have to be that goddamn shrill and loud? I don't mind booing a Cubs pitcher for continually throwing to first base to hold a runner (it's a sound baseball strategy, but it's a proud baseball fan tradition to find that annoying and boo it) but do you have to scream "THROW IT ACROSS THE PLATE, YOU COWARD!" in the shrillest voice possible, right in my ear? Ted Lilly can't hear you, goddamn you. I, however, can, and I want you to stop.

How do you even get that shrill? Do you need to take a class?

But he was not the douchiest 'bag in attendance. There was also "Jump Up And Start Celebrating Every Time The Phils Put A Ball In The Air, Even Though It's Probably A Routine Fly To Center And You're Blocking Me" Guy, and the Alpha Douche, "Really Loud, Really Profane Dude With Miller Lite Bottles Littered Under His Seat" Guy. I mean he really kept yelling things like "Hey Soriano, I fucked your mom!" I don't even know what he said. It was stupid, unfunny, lame, and just... god, it was just so stupid. I know he was doing it because he thought it would be funny to be loud and annoying on purpose, but I'm trying to watch the game, you goateed scumbag.

I mean, is it me? Am I the wrong one here? Is empathy for other human beings - a knowledge that other people are around me and that they probably don't need or want to hear whatever deranged rantings spill out of my mouth at high volumes - is it a disease? Am I supposed to shed that in order to succeed in life - indeed, in order to evolve? How horrifying.

On a related note, this kind of worries me in terms of the new soccer team, because soccer fans have this idea in their head that they have to stand up for 90 minutes and sing and yell nonstop, and people who "just sit there" are dumb, lame, boring American corporate sellout assholes. I don't want to get hassled or insulted by these people. I mean, I really like soccer, but I like the game, and if I'm paying to watch it I'm going to sit and watch it. Just because I'm not screaming and yelling and painting my face doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I'm not screaming insults at Ryan Theriot doesn't mean I don't really, really care whether or not the Phillies beat the Cubs. I care a lot - probably too much - so screw you.

Speaking of caring too much, Flyers/Caps Game 2 is in just over an hour! Like I said, I have no idea what really happened in Game 1, so I don't feel qualified to give you any kind of intelligent commentary or preview on today's game. I'll just say... come on, Flyers, if you can get a two goal lead on them, you can do it again... but for crying out loud, hold onto it this time.

After that, I'm off to my writer's group where this week I'm presenting a new story called "Dead Mouse". Well, it's not really new, I started it about six months ago and it's coming along very slowly. It's a nice break, though, from the editing of Analog which is going okay, but slower than I had hoped (partly for creative reasons, partly because I have the attention span of a goldfish and I'm easily distracted by the baseball standings and Kristen Schaal videos). I'm rewriting an entire sequence right now and I'm struggling with it a bit, but I think I'll get it eventually. I always do.

Anyway, "Dead Mouse" is fine, plus I baked a coffee cake for the group.

Next: Flyers/Caps Game 2, as previously noted; Phils go for the sweep.

Now playing: The Futureheads, "Decent Days and Nights"

Roundup of recent professional athletic contests

I have a few hours today to work on my book and do other productive things which is really exciting. But first, here's all the games I missed:

4/10: Mets 4, Phils 3 (12 innings)

Saw the very beginning of this, and then I went out to a bar where I saw the middle of it (when the Phils tied it up) and then I missed the whole ending. I didn't see the play at the plate which Chris Coste has been complaining about, so I will abstain from that particular debate (except to say that the Phils are probably right).

4/11: Phils 5, Cubs 3

Missed this whole game too. The only part I really saw was on a bar TV where I saw Brad Lidge high fiving Carlos Ruiz; I figured at that point it was safe to assume that everything was okay.

4/11: Caps 5, Flyers 4

Yeah, I missed all of Game 1. I was out seeing a film at the Festival called You, the Living which was really cool and beautiful. I figured I could afford to miss at least one game. I saw Ovechkin's goal at the very end in the same bar; I also heard that they blew a two goal lead. Beyond that I am unable to speak intelligently about this game at all. In that sense, I have no idea why I'm making you read this blog, which at the moment is less a sports blog and more a not very interesting diary of a guy who does other things while sports are happening on the periphery of his life, except that I'm not telling you very much about what I'm doing, therefore it's pointless.

To make up for it, here's a great interview with the Kids about their impending tour (I'm seeing them at the Keswick on 4/30), with some fascinating revelations about how they work and a look back at some of their more notorious sketches. I always love hearing about the creative process of my favorite artists, particularly these guys, because I find it very thrilling and inspiring. Perhaps you will as well.

Speaking of comedyness, I got front row seats for Flight of the Conchords, almost certainly the most exciting thing that's ever happened, at least this week.

Finally - waiting with bated breath for the NBA playoff schedule - Andrew and I have tickets! Thus making the next few weeks of my life endlessly complicated.

Next: I'll be at tonight's Phils/Cubs game; Cole gets the ball. The Flyers will try to even up the series tomorrow afternoon; I'll probably get to see this one. Go get 'em, men.

Another thing of mine you can read

My friend Moira has been putting together a project celebrating the history of one of my favorite things: Philadelphia! I have contributed to it. So go read a short story of mine if you choose. It's pretty vague, but perhaps someday it will all be clear. For now, I leave it to you to work it out for yourself.

So moving on, the new They Might Be Giants children's album is really good...