Hey look, I'm in the paper.

Meanwhile, I've think I've found a kind of end-around for the writer's block which I've had for a few weeks and have diligently and unsuccessfully tried to ignore: I'm going to abandon that one thing, and try writing something else.

It's so crazy, it just might work.

More soon, I hope.

(Also: I never update this blog... so why, I ask, am I seriously considering starting another one, devoted to the soccer team? Is that just stupid?)

I still can't decide

Seriously, I've been driving myself crazy with this soccer team name thing. I'm going to be an inaugural season ticket holder, and I plan on buying a profane amount of merchandise with the name on it, so I'd really like it to be something good that I like and am not embarrassed by. So, I've narrowed it down to AC or Atoms.

AC
PROS: Infinitely more likely to win than Atoms (which has no chance, I've come to terms with that); it's kind of not all that terrible; it's sort of like "Athletics" which is kind of cool.
CONS: At the end of the day, it's a lame ripoff of another team in another country, and has nothing to do with Philadelphia. Also, it's not "Atoms", which I love.

ATOMS
PROS: I really love it; it's a part of Philadelphia history; no other team on the planet has it; the Atoms have won a championship more recently than the Eagles; it would be like a "protest vote"; whatever you think of it, I simply don't see how it's worse than the official choices.
CONS: It won't win; the only people who actually remember the Atoms are (a) middle-aged soccer fans with long memories and (b) nerds like me; if I waste my vote on something that obviously won't win, I run the risk of "Union" winning, and that's no good.

I don't know, what do you think?

Much is afoot. Wedding planning continues unabated. The trucks to Clearwater are being gassed up and loaded. According to Wikipedia, today is Kristen Schaal's 31st birthday (but look, I'm an engaged man now, and as the President said the other day, the time has come to put away childish things). The Eagles totally forgot to bring their defensive players to Arizona (worst game ever, I can't even think about it without getting angry and confused and scared).

But enough about those things, let's talk about something truly important: the name of our new soccer team! I'm disappointed but not at all surprised that they're apparently going for some kind of Euro-ripoff name. I don't know why they feel the need to do such a thing: it's just going to turn away or at the very least bore casual fans, and this is a city that already has a rich sports culture, so why do we need to just co-opt ideas from far off places? I'm not saying we need to resurrect "Atoms" or "Fury" or anything like that. I love the name "Atoms", I've always been fascinated by the Atoms, and I plan on wearing my Atoms t-shirt to the stadium at least once. To be honest, because I've read a lot about them and they represent, to me, an important and interesting slice of Philly sports history, and because I am a melodramatic nerd, it would actually mean a lot to me to be able to go to a soccer game and root for a team called the Philadelphia Atoms. But I'm not going to write that in as my vote, because I like the idea of keeping the name retired and starting fresh with something new (and also for strategic voting reasons, but more on that in a bit).

Let's take a look at the options.

SC: Boring, but tolerable. To their credit, I like the fact that they've basically gone for "Soccer Club" instead of "Football Club", because there are already two teams in the league (Dallas and Toronto) named "FC" (which by the way is totally uncreative nonsense, I mean come on Dallas and Toronto, get it together), and also because this is Philly, where we already have a game called football that we really like and will never be less popular than soccer. Sorry, Europosers, we call it "soccer" here; if you don't like it, move to Portsmouth or something.

AC: Also boring, but I have to admit that it's growing on me. It's soccer-ish and a nice, subtle reference to the Philadelphia Athletics (if indeed they intend it to mean "Athletic Club" and not some dumb European thing, and by the way I apologize if I sound really xenophobic, I don't hate Europe or anything, Europe's cool, I'm just really annoyed it's not going to be Atoms and I'm taking it out on a whole continent).

City: This is just dumb.

Union: Appalling. Awful. I hate this name so freaking much. Also: it's almost exactly the same as "United", and there's already a team called "DC United", who will presumably be one of our biggest regional rivals. So why would I give my team the same name as... ugh! Oh god, so stupid.

Write-in Options: Besides "Atoms" I have no ideas that I think will win. Over on the Sons of Ben message board, a couple of fans are pushing for something like "Philadelphia 2010" with the idea that the nickname would be "Zolos", a made up word that looks sort of like "2010". (This, in case you're wondering, is one of the reasons why I have yet to post on this message board, despite my total excitement about the new team and the fact that these guys would, one presumes, be my new soccer buddies. I'm just afraid of going on there and saying "Um, guys, has it not occured to you that 'Zolos' is totally cheesy and lame?" and getting flamed. I guess I could try to play nice, but really, "Zolos"? Am I being that unreasonable?)

Anyway, I'm leaning toward just voting for "AC" because it has a better chance of winning than "Atoms" and to lessen the chance that "Union" or "2010" will win. Look, no matter what happens, I'm going to be a huge fan, and alienate my future wife and our future family by wasting even more of my time watching absurd amounts of sports, and I'll buy the team's jersey no matter what's on it, because this is the kind of blind loyalty that I subscribe to for reasons I can't explain. I'm really looking forward to it.

But really, if you haven't voted yet and/or don't care, and you feel like helping me out, please vote for anything but "Union", that's all I ask.

I ain't heard no fat lady!

September 13: My first ever multi-sport doubleheader!

Phase I: I went to the Phils/Brewers game which was cool. Hitting has picked up, Cole wasn't quite himself but still sufficiently strikeout-y, bullpen looked pretty great. Pat Burrell looked horrendous, which made me sad. I love the guy and I've always defended him, but that was some painful stuff. Still, the Phils locked this one down, and then the Mets blew yet another win for Santana and lost about 10 seconds later. What a moment. Brought back memories of... well, no, you know what? No more memories and no more living in the past. This is 2008, my friends.

Phase II: I crossed the street and saw the (gold medal winning!) US Women's Team beat Ireland 2-0. It was the first time I've ever been in the Linc and the first pro soccer game I've ever seen in person. My assessments: well, one, even though I'd never been in the Linc before, I've seen it on TV and there's Eagles stuff everywhere, so it was hauntingly familiar. Not much to look at out on the concourses, but that's fine. I'm there for the game. Two, soccer: I was totally into it! Which is good sign, given that a few months ago I gave a faceless website $100 for a Philly 2010 season ticket deposit. The game has a great rhythm and I was kind of mesmerized at times. And you know what else? I didn't need to stand and sing for 90 minutes to be into the game. I just wanted to watch it. Of course, in fairness, this was a friendly between a team that wasn't really trying that hard and a team that was obviously inferior, plus the crowd seemed to be 85% soccer-playing girls under 12, so maybe it wasn't a representative crowd. Maybe when the New Atoms play DC United, it'll be more intense, and I'll be on my feet chanting something off-color and pouring a beer on someone's head. I'm not ruling it out. Long story short, I'm pretty amped about 2010. (By the way, I'll need people to go to games with it, so if you want to take my other ticket, contact me ASAP. Spots are going fast!)

September 14: I missed today's game. I was out buying pants. That may sound absurd to you, given that we're deep in a pennant race, but I really needed new pants. I'm very comfortable with my decision.

I was pleased to see when I got home that Blanton went 7 innings and Pat had two hits. The final game against The Brew starts in an hour and a half. All is right with the world. Now, before the series started people were saying that 3 out of 4 would be fine... and if we lose tonight, yeah, it's not the end of the world. But with a win, we can be tied for the wild card lead, and only 1 behind the Mets. In short, I WANT THIS GAME. I've wanted few games as much as I want this one. With pants successfully purchased, I can watch every pitch with confidence. Brett Myers, over to you...

4/12: Phils 7, Cubs 1

"I wish I could go back to the beginning of the season... put some money on the Cubbies!"
-Charles Fleischer, 1989

Anyway, great game, with my dad and I in attendance. Cole looks incredible, and the hitting is picking up, even without the MVP in the lineup (and it looks like Shane might be out now too... injuries suck, one wonders if we could have won 100 games with a healthy lineup last year!)

Our section (418) has become the "group" section where they stick groups. Sometimes you don't even notice, other times the groups are horrible. Last night we were surrounded by the douchiest bunch of douches who ever douched. They were total douches. I felt like I was actually in the douche aisle at Rite Aid. I mean - here's the thing. No human being is capable of yelling loud enough that a baseball player can hear them yelling all the way from section 418. Maybe if he was the only fan in the entire stadium, but not in a sellout crowd of 45K. So either (a) they're not aware of this simple principle, in which case they're morons, or (b) they know this, and the yelling is not really for the benefit of the players, and they're just trying to be funny and entertain the crowd. The latter seems more likely, in which case they're douchebags, and they need to understand that they're annoying and not funny and I hate them.

I mean, really, do you have to be that goddamn shrill and loud? I don't mind booing a Cubs pitcher for continually throwing to first base to hold a runner (it's a sound baseball strategy, but it's a proud baseball fan tradition to find that annoying and boo it) but do you have to scream "THROW IT ACROSS THE PLATE, YOU COWARD!" in the shrillest voice possible, right in my ear? Ted Lilly can't hear you, goddamn you. I, however, can, and I want you to stop.

How do you even get that shrill? Do you need to take a class?

But he was not the douchiest 'bag in attendance. There was also "Jump Up And Start Celebrating Every Time The Phils Put A Ball In The Air, Even Though It's Probably A Routine Fly To Center And You're Blocking Me" Guy, and the Alpha Douche, "Really Loud, Really Profane Dude With Miller Lite Bottles Littered Under His Seat" Guy. I mean he really kept yelling things like "Hey Soriano, I fucked your mom!" I don't even know what he said. It was stupid, unfunny, lame, and just... god, it was just so stupid. I know he was doing it because he thought it would be funny to be loud and annoying on purpose, but I'm trying to watch the game, you goateed scumbag.

I mean, is it me? Am I the wrong one here? Is empathy for other human beings - a knowledge that other people are around me and that they probably don't need or want to hear whatever deranged rantings spill out of my mouth at high volumes - is it a disease? Am I supposed to shed that in order to succeed in life - indeed, in order to evolve? How horrifying.

On a related note, this kind of worries me in terms of the new soccer team, because soccer fans have this idea in their head that they have to stand up for 90 minutes and sing and yell nonstop, and people who "just sit there" are dumb, lame, boring American corporate sellout assholes. I don't want to get hassled or insulted by these people. I mean, I really like soccer, but I like the game, and if I'm paying to watch it I'm going to sit and watch it. Just because I'm not screaming and yelling and painting my face doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I'm not screaming insults at Ryan Theriot doesn't mean I don't really, really care whether or not the Phillies beat the Cubs. I care a lot - probably too much - so screw you.

Speaking of caring too much, Flyers/Caps Game 2 is in just over an hour! Like I said, I have no idea what really happened in Game 1, so I don't feel qualified to give you any kind of intelligent commentary or preview on today's game. I'll just say... come on, Flyers, if you can get a two goal lead on them, you can do it again... but for crying out loud, hold onto it this time.

After that, I'm off to my writer's group where this week I'm presenting a new story called "Dead Mouse". Well, it's not really new, I started it about six months ago and it's coming along very slowly. It's a nice break, though, from the editing of Analog which is going okay, but slower than I had hoped (partly for creative reasons, partly because I have the attention span of a goldfish and I'm easily distracted by the baseball standings and Kristen Schaal videos). I'm rewriting an entire sequence right now and I'm struggling with it a bit, but I think I'll get it eventually. I always do.

Anyway, "Dead Mouse" is fine, plus I baked a coffee cake for the group.

Next: Flyers/Caps Game 2, as previously noted; Phils go for the sweep.

Now playing: The Futureheads, "Decent Days and Nights"

FINALLY!!!

I don't know if there is anyone out there who has decided, for whatever reason, to read this blog as their final act before committing suicide. If there is - don't do it! You have so much to live for! Philly is getting a soccer team!!!

The website is already up and ready to take your $100 for tickets. Yes, I am a whore who is trying to sell you season tickets on behalf of the team's millionaire owners. But I am proud to do so and proud to be an inaugural season ticket holder, so pony up some cash, you cheap bastard!

Longtime reader(s) and friends of mine will know that I've been waiting for this for a while. I've been following the Philly MLS saga for a long time, dating back to when we thought there would be a team at the Linc, to a few years ago when we thought there would be a team in Glassboro, NJ. Both deals never came to anything, and for a long time I gave up on the whole thing, thinking that there weren't any investors out there interested enough to make it happen.

Bob Ford had a good article a few days ago in which he was supportive of the team, but mentioned that an MLS Cup would not "break the streak" of Philly's title drought. I actually do agree with him, but only because I don't have the emotional investment that I have for the other four. But hey, give me a couple of years - before long I'll accept the new team as one of the Five, and will be complaining about how horrible they are on this very site.

I've loved soccer all my life (soccer and basketball are the only sports I've ever actually played on an organized level, both incredibly terribly) and I've followed the National Team since the '94 World Cup. I've always thought it would be cool to have a team of my own, so it's safe to say I've been waiting for this day for a while. I can't wait to just sit around hating the New York Red Bulls and New England Revolution for being such loathsome scumbags.

I don't yet know what I'm going to submit in the Name the Team contest, but I'll think of something. I feel like the name "Atoms" should be retired, but on the other hand, I wouldn't say no to their triumphant return...

In conclusion, I'll see you in Chester in 2010! Go buy some tickets.

UPDATES.

76ERS. I'm going to the 76ers/Knicks game in like 20 minutes so I'll make this quick.

FLYERS. What the hell, guys? No good.

PHILLIES. Oh you pranksters! Fun stuff. Now seriously, boys, playtime is over. Get to work. (They'll be fine.)

EAGLES. Um... I got nothing.

INDEPENDENCE FC. (Or whatever they'll be called.) Rumor has it that on February 28, MLS will officially announce Philadelphia as their 16th team, to begin play in 2010. Longtime readers can probably imagine that I'm very psyched. Meanwhile, I have joined the Sons of Ben. I haven't actually met these dudes yet, but I'm sure I'll see them eventually (at the very least, at a tailgate). By the way, the Sons are awesome. Check out some clips from the 'Tube: the Sons representing and the Sons harrassing New Englandians, Philly style. Beautiful.

2010 MLS CUP CHAMPS!!! YEAH!!!