April 13-14: Philly screwed by incompetent officiating

4/13: Cubs 6, Phils 5
4/14: Cavs 91, Sixers 90

Well... I'm actually not going to go on a rant here, really. One, I kind of want to go to bed. Two... the sad truth is that although both teams were subjected to weird, annoying calls that make me hate sports, neither is actually worth ranting about, for the following reasons:

In the Phils' case, they didn't lose because of the Cubs' phantom home run, they lost because they left too many men on base and the same mysterious sloppy error-ing that's plagued the team all year. Still, the not-HR is really annoying, and I don't have to like it.

And then tonight, I personally watched the Sixers win a game in the final seconds (following a furious fourth quarter rally, which came after a long, puzzling middle section of the game where both teams looked really bored)... but then after a few minutes the officials decided that there had been a foul on the final play, so they put 0.2 seconds back on, the Cavs sunk both of their free throws, and, of course, we lost, because how the hell can we get a shot off in 0.2 seconds? Replays showed that Sammy D did, indeed, foul the dude, so there you are. It was probably legitimate. I've calmed down enough to acknowledge that. (At the time, I was probably as profane as I've ever been in a public place in my life. Plus I gave the refs the finger.) What I'm still pissed off about, and probably always will be, is the absurd lack of communication between the refs and the players (the Sixers and their coaches were already in the locker room while the refs were deliberating) and especially the fans - many of whom had already bailed for the exits, and the rest of us had no idea what was going on. I mean, get on a mic and explain yourself. Don't leave us standing around for a minute, two minutes, five minutes, whatever it was, trying to decide if we should keep celebrating the win or not, getting increasingly surly and annoyed. That's just garbage, and a terrible way to treat your customers (on Fan Appreciation Night no less!). The NBA really blows sometimes. David Stern is falling all over himself trying to find new ways to rape the city of Seattle in the ass, but he can't find time to hire competent, non-corrupt refs. What a terrible, stupid disaster of a game... I've never, ever seen anything like that in person before, and I hope I never do again. Weak.

So to cheer myself up, let's just recall the weekend's highlight:

4/13: Flyers 2, Caps 0

Now that's more like it! The Flyers, particularly Marty, looked fantastic. Keep that up and we're in good shape. It got me thinking, though: most hockey fans, and certainly the league, are rooting for Ovechkin to advance, because he's a great player and fun to watch. But, of course, I'm not; I want the Flyers to win. I wouldn't mind if Ovechkin never scores another goal this year, and indeed is a nonfactor for the rest of the series. That's fine by me. Which got me thinking, would I rather my team won, or would I rather be entertained? (Why do I even watch sports at all?) I mean, think about it: Red Sox/Rockies was, by any standard, one of the worst and most boring World Series ever, but you don't see Red Sox fans complaining about it. To put it another way: somebody says to you, "Okay, either the Phillies (or the Flyers, or whatever your favorite team is) will win the World Series (or Stanley Cup/NBA Finals) over the Yankees (or Red Wings/Lakers) in four extremely boring games, OR the Phillies and Yankees will play seven of the most thrilling, nail-bitingly exciting and incredible baseball games you've ever seen or possibly ever will see, but the Phils will lose Game 7"... which would you pick? At this point, I'd pick the Phils winning, and a part of me (a small part, but a part nonetheless) feels like maybe it's the wrong pick. What do you think?

Next: Flyers/Caps Game 3! Phils/Astros! And the Sixers are so angered and motivated by tonight's debacle that they destroy Charlotte on Wednesday, and then storm through the playoffs and go all the way!!!

4/12: Phils 7, Cubs 1

"I wish I could go back to the beginning of the season... put some money on the Cubbies!"
-Charles Fleischer, 1989

Anyway, great game, with my dad and I in attendance. Cole looks incredible, and the hitting is picking up, even without the MVP in the lineup (and it looks like Shane might be out now too... injuries suck, one wonders if we could have won 100 games with a healthy lineup last year!)

Our section (418) has become the "group" section where they stick groups. Sometimes you don't even notice, other times the groups are horrible. Last night we were surrounded by the douchiest bunch of douches who ever douched. They were total douches. I felt like I was actually in the douche aisle at Rite Aid. I mean - here's the thing. No human being is capable of yelling loud enough that a baseball player can hear them yelling all the way from section 418. Maybe if he was the only fan in the entire stadium, but not in a sellout crowd of 45K. So either (a) they're not aware of this simple principle, in which case they're morons, or (b) they know this, and the yelling is not really for the benefit of the players, and they're just trying to be funny and entertain the crowd. The latter seems more likely, in which case they're douchebags, and they need to understand that they're annoying and not funny and I hate them.

I mean, really, do you have to be that goddamn shrill and loud? I don't mind booing a Cubs pitcher for continually throwing to first base to hold a runner (it's a sound baseball strategy, but it's a proud baseball fan tradition to find that annoying and boo it) but do you have to scream "THROW IT ACROSS THE PLATE, YOU COWARD!" in the shrillest voice possible, right in my ear? Ted Lilly can't hear you, goddamn you. I, however, can, and I want you to stop.

How do you even get that shrill? Do you need to take a class?

But he was not the douchiest 'bag in attendance. There was also "Jump Up And Start Celebrating Every Time The Phils Put A Ball In The Air, Even Though It's Probably A Routine Fly To Center And You're Blocking Me" Guy, and the Alpha Douche, "Really Loud, Really Profane Dude With Miller Lite Bottles Littered Under His Seat" Guy. I mean he really kept yelling things like "Hey Soriano, I fucked your mom!" I don't even know what he said. It was stupid, unfunny, lame, and just... god, it was just so stupid. I know he was doing it because he thought it would be funny to be loud and annoying on purpose, but I'm trying to watch the game, you goateed scumbag.

I mean, is it me? Am I the wrong one here? Is empathy for other human beings - a knowledge that other people are around me and that they probably don't need or want to hear whatever deranged rantings spill out of my mouth at high volumes - is it a disease? Am I supposed to shed that in order to succeed in life - indeed, in order to evolve? How horrifying.

On a related note, this kind of worries me in terms of the new soccer team, because soccer fans have this idea in their head that they have to stand up for 90 minutes and sing and yell nonstop, and people who "just sit there" are dumb, lame, boring American corporate sellout assholes. I don't want to get hassled or insulted by these people. I mean, I really like soccer, but I like the game, and if I'm paying to watch it I'm going to sit and watch it. Just because I'm not screaming and yelling and painting my face doesn't mean I don't care. Just because I'm not screaming insults at Ryan Theriot doesn't mean I don't really, really care whether or not the Phillies beat the Cubs. I care a lot - probably too much - so screw you.

Speaking of caring too much, Flyers/Caps Game 2 is in just over an hour! Like I said, I have no idea what really happened in Game 1, so I don't feel qualified to give you any kind of intelligent commentary or preview on today's game. I'll just say... come on, Flyers, if you can get a two goal lead on them, you can do it again... but for crying out loud, hold onto it this time.

After that, I'm off to my writer's group where this week I'm presenting a new story called "Dead Mouse". Well, it's not really new, I started it about six months ago and it's coming along very slowly. It's a nice break, though, from the editing of Analog which is going okay, but slower than I had hoped (partly for creative reasons, partly because I have the attention span of a goldfish and I'm easily distracted by the baseball standings and Kristen Schaal videos). I'm rewriting an entire sequence right now and I'm struggling with it a bit, but I think I'll get it eventually. I always do.

Anyway, "Dead Mouse" is fine, plus I baked a coffee cake for the group.

Next: Flyers/Caps Game 2, as previously noted; Phils go for the sweep.

Now playing: The Futureheads, "Decent Days and Nights"

Roundup of recent professional athletic contests

I have a few hours today to work on my book and do other productive things which is really exciting. But first, here's all the games I missed:

4/10: Mets 4, Phils 3 (12 innings)

Saw the very beginning of this, and then I went out to a bar where I saw the middle of it (when the Phils tied it up) and then I missed the whole ending. I didn't see the play at the plate which Chris Coste has been complaining about, so I will abstain from that particular debate (except to say that the Phils are probably right).

4/11: Phils 5, Cubs 3

Missed this whole game too. The only part I really saw was on a bar TV where I saw Brad Lidge high fiving Carlos Ruiz; I figured at that point it was safe to assume that everything was okay.

4/11: Caps 5, Flyers 4

Yeah, I missed all of Game 1. I was out seeing a film at the Festival called You, the Living which was really cool and beautiful. I figured I could afford to miss at least one game. I saw Ovechkin's goal at the very end in the same bar; I also heard that they blew a two goal lead. Beyond that I am unable to speak intelligently about this game at all. In that sense, I have no idea why I'm making you read this blog, which at the moment is less a sports blog and more a not very interesting diary of a guy who does other things while sports are happening on the periphery of his life, except that I'm not telling you very much about what I'm doing, therefore it's pointless.

To make up for it, here's a great interview with the Kids about their impending tour (I'm seeing them at the Keswick on 4/30), with some fascinating revelations about how they work and a look back at some of their more notorious sketches. I always love hearing about the creative process of my favorite artists, particularly these guys, because I find it very thrilling and inspiring. Perhaps you will as well.

Speaking of comedyness, I got front row seats for Flight of the Conchords, almost certainly the most exciting thing that's ever happened, at least this week.

Finally - waiting with bated breath for the NBA playoff schedule - Andrew and I have tickets! Thus making the next few weeks of my life endlessly complicated.

Next: I'll be at tonight's Phils/Cubs game; Cole gets the ball. The Flyers will try to even up the series tomorrow afternoon; I'll probably get to see this one. Go get 'em, men.