Pens [very high number], Flyers [nothing whatsoever]

Rather than try to grapple with the implications of that game, let me direct you toward Phil Sheridan's thoughtful piece on the 25-year drought and the current state of Philly sports. He says everything I probably would have said, had I thought about it or put any real effort into it.

We'll see a title from at least one of them in my lifetime. I believe that.

Meanwhile, as I speak the Phils are losing to the Nats. Myers is struggling, they're stranding runners... I mean, come on guys, I've got stuff to do. I've seen this movie before. So I pulled an Irv tonight. I figure, I'm sure I'll see another Phillies game some time.

LET'S GO... oh, right. Damn.

5/17: Jays 6, Phils 3

Former (horrible) Phillie Rod Barajas hit two home runs, including a grand slam, tonight. My dad was actually at the game and I'm sure he spent most of it wondering why he keeps letting his punkass son make him buy tickets every year. I mean, really, Rod Barajas??! He was so awful last year he made me want to gnaw off my own leg.

But instead of worrying about it, or Pat Gillick's worrisome inability to adequately judge the talent of his prospective free agents, I know how we can cheer ourselves up: by skipping to the 1:55 mark of this thing.

EDIT: LET'S GO FLYERS!!!

See? Everything's going to be fine.

Cole shut down the braves on Thursday night; Jayson thrashed the Blue Jays to within an inch of their lives last night. Things are good at the Bank.

Meanwhile, the Flyers are doing that thing that teams do when they're down 3-0 and then they win a game: they make their fans start thinking things like "Well, if we steal Game 5, then come home for Game 6... we can do this!" I must admit to being one of those fans that thinks those kinds of crazy things. But Sunday's game should be fun. Unless we've only succeeding in angering the Pens and making them remember they're actually much better. Nah, it'll be all right.

LET'S GO FLYERS!!!

Uh... Vengeance Now...?

...or failing that, I'll take a win.

Busy times here (still). I was at the Phils' win over the Braves on Tuesday and missed Game 3. Well, apparently I didn't really "miss" Game 3, if you know what I'm sayin'.

Regular updates will resume once I get to watch some Phillies games regularly, which, excepting Tuesday's game, I really haven't been doing. I've got a million things going on, plus my project for this summer (amongst like nine other things I want to do) is to FINALLY FINISH THIS DAMN NOVEL instead of spending the next 40 years continually editing it like I'm freakin' Henry Darger. So that will consume like 90% of my writing energy. But this blog will not be forgotten. Dear reader(s), you have my word that I am doing everything in my power to keep my promise to update after (nearly) every Phillies game, instead of letting that promise, like so many other promises I have made throughout my life, become yet another strand in the tangled web of lies I've spent my 32 years spinning.

Let's keep it simple. Don't worry about the Phillies right now, they're doing their usual "Are they good? Or are they going to stab me in the heart and laugh at my screams of pain?" thing that they do every year. They're pros. They've got it down at this point. In some small way, if they were just incredibly good and were like 30-11, I think I'd be more confused than anything else. 22-19 I can handle; it sounds like a Phillies kind of record. They'll be fine.

It's the Flyers we need to worry about. They're down 3-0. The Penguins are just waxing the floor with them. They're clearly the inferior team. According to the indispensibly terrific whowins.com, they've not only never won a series after going 3-0 (obviously) but they have in fact NEVER won Game 4 in those situations. Which is pretty remarkable. Not to mention desperately sad and ominous.

The cool thing about these Flyers, particularly in the playoffs, is how resilient they've been. Yes, that's officially the 1,000,000th use of the word "resilient" in reference to the Flyers this year (for which I think I get a cash prize and a gift certificate to the Flyers Skate Zone in Voorhees). But it's true! However, I wonder if now they're just out of gas. You have to believe how much I hate saying that, but I mean, they've lost their two best defensemen and they're just getting killed.

However: what can I do? Give up them now? I didn't do that when they were getting swept in 1997, and I'm not going to do it now. The game starts in like 10 minutes, and I'll be in front of the TV, yelling and acting like an idiot. It's what I do. But you knew that already.

Cross your fingers, dear reader(s), the guys need you.

Once and for all, LET'S GO FLYERS!!!

Prediction: They will play the Kate Smith clip tonight

Big game. Huge game. Huge-gantic game tonight. Gi-mongus game.

And I wish I could write more about it, but I'm off to the Phils/Braves game. Like, right now.

If somebody out there reading this is watching the Flyers game tonight, text me updates, won't you?

GO FLYERS!!!

Shorthanded

They didn't play all that badly, except maybe for the last ten minutes when the fact that they're not quite as good started to catch up with them. They're just getting outplayed, really, and, well, I don't know. Game 3 is here on Tuesday, and all they can do is try to turn it into a series. People have been throwing around the word "resilient" a lot lately, but this really is a pretty resilient team. They'll keep playing until the league tells them to stop. Go get 'em, guys.

GO FLYERS!!!

We're not down

You know how I know that Pittsburgh sucks? Because after Mike Richards' fantastic shorthanded goal, they played "Don't Get Me Down" by ELO. And if there's one thing I simply cannot stand, it's "Don't Get Me Down" by ELO. I freaking hate that band and I really, really freaking hate that song.

I had to run upstairs and put on "Atlas" to cleanse it from my brain.

Anyway: the Flyers look okay. They've been great on the 5-0n-5, and, really, if they can just knock it off with the penalties I think we're on to something.

Should be a great third period.

GO FLYERS!!!

LIVEBLOG (TM)

Flyers/Pens Game 2, first intermission. Yeah, I don't know. The Flyers don't really look like they're putting anything together, they're kind of just chasing the Penguins around the ice. They've lost Braydon Coburn, who took a puck right in his eye or forehead or something, it was pretty grotesque. The Flyers' power play was one of the worst I've ever seen - out of two minutes they were in the Pens' zone for like, what? Ten seconds? No good.

Still, they're only down 1-0, and I think they got a little lucky with that No Goal that was reviewed (looked good to me)... better to be lucky than good, I guess. Keep up the luck part if you can, guys.

GO FLYERS!!!

It's been a busy couple of days here, leaving me almost no time to tell you that the Phillies are inconsistent and the Flyers have their work cut out for them. If you didn't know those things already, and were counting on me to tell you, then you've probably felt very lost and neglected these last few days, for which I apologize profusely.

On days when the Phils put it all together - like the first DBacks game - then they look really, really good. Like they can beat anybody. Like legitimate contenders. The hitting is great, the pitching is great, and everything is right with the world. I feel, on those days, like maybe I can fly, and one of these days I'm actually going to try it, and all those jerks who laughed at me - "That's ridiculous, Jeremy, people can't fly, get off the roof, DON'T JUMP!" - well, they'll be sorry, all of them, I promise you that.

Other days, like say, today, or yesterday, they just can't get it together. Too many dumb mistakes, too many bad pitches, too much stupidness and losing. I don't know what to make of this team at all... but then, I never do, and certainly never on May 11. A year ago at this time, did I think they would win the division? I had my doubts, I can admit that now.

Meanwhile, I missed Game 1 of Flyers/Pens. It was happening in the bar while I was in another room eating an enchilada and celebrating Shep's birthday. Which is fine, because I wanted to be there, and from the sound of it I didn't miss much. It was apparently horrible. Still, this one's far from over, and... hey, look at that, Game 2 starts in fifteen minutes!

GO FLYERS!!!

I don't have a lot of time

So I'll just quickly say re: the Battle of Pennsylvania: Oh, it's on.

Should be a great series. There's lots to say about it, but as noted, I have no time. So I'll just end it with a Go Flyers and resume this later.

GO FLYERS!!!

I made it to YouTube!

I can be seen in this video.

5/6: Diamondbacks 6, Phils 4

I want to believe in Adam Eaton. I really do. I'm rooting for him. I want to believe that 2007 was just extra horrible, that he's, while not an ace or an all-star, a perfectly serviceable fifth or even fourth starter who can help this team. And so far this season he was unspectacular, but not terrible either. He was keeping us in games. But after last night, I don't know what to think. I just don't know if I can take a pitcher seriously if he walks Randy Johnson - Randy Johnson! - on four pitches - four! - with the bases loaded - bases loaded! - and a one run lead. Randy Johnson! He's a pitcher! And not a very good hitting pitcher either! Plus, Randy Johnson is 6'10". He's like the tallest player in the history of baseball. He therefore probably has the largest strike zone in history. Adam, seriously, it's a gargantuan strike zone! It's this enormous rectangle! Just throw strikes through it! What, Randy Johnson's going to hit one of them? So what? You've got good fielders behind you. Maybe it'll even be a double play. But don't, for the love of god, just walk him one four pitches. Randy Johnson! Bases loaded! Pitches! Bases! Randy! Adam Eaton! That was only Johnson's 15th walk in his 21 year career. I'm flabbergasted, is what I am.

Jayson Werth's missed catch a few batters before that didn't help, either. But you just literally can't do what Eaton did there. It was the absolute last thing we needed. No good. I'm just, yeah, I don't like it. I need to think about something else for a while.

Sort of a Flyers preview (actually, just something I feel like mentioning)

My Bar Mitzvah theme was "penguins". That's it. I'm not sure why. Penguins were my favorite animal growing up, but I can't recall why I thought they would make a good Bar Mitzvah theme. Was I so bereft of a personality that I just picked my favorite animal as a theme? That's kind of stupid, now that I think about it. I mean, couldn't I have used something I was actually really into? Like Star Wars? Baseball cards? Books? Lego? Lego, that would have been really cool. Anything but penguins. What a weird kid I must have been.

Anyway, I bring this up because I have a history of liking penguins but I do not like, especially this week of all week, the Pittsburgh Penguins. I don't have a healthy hatred of them like I do for the Rangers and Devils, but I'm a fast learner.

So this week, we hate penguins, the little flightless bastards. I certainly don't advocate cruelty to animals (except for the fact that I eat meat, because it's friggin' delicious), but, well, I'm just saying, the Philadelphia Zoo has plenty of penguins. If they were missing one - one measly little penguin - because a hockey team had kidnapped it and kept it imprisoned in a cage in their arena during a playoff game, who would notice?

Yes, now I am officially babbling, so I'll cut it short. Just remember to boo this guy!

5/5: Phillies 11, DBacks 4

Remember yesterday when I said the Phillies should start hitting more? What I meant to say was, "This is the greatest collection of hitters ever assembled, and they're starting to heat up, and this season is shaping up to be awesome." Obviously, it's very early, and I'm trying to temper my enjoyment of the Phils' wins (and the Mets' losses) as much as possible, but on the other hand, they're in first place, and that's a nice feeling no matter what the date is. Life is about enjoying these kinds of things when you can.

SIXERS!

Yeah, I was wrong: they lost. They were never even really in it. It was kind of horrendous. But I knew the Sixers would have a tough time against the Pistons and the two wins (let's say two and a half, because the first half of Game 4 was great too) are definitely something to be proud of. I think this team will be something special in 2009 - they're building it the right way, and Stefanski (whose hand I shook at a season ticket holder's thing back in March, making him the only Philly GM I've ever met) seems to know what I'm doing. I'm much less concerned about the series loss than I am about the curious lack of interest the Sixers generated in the city. They were in the playoffs for the first time in three years, and nobody seemed to care. I was at all three playoff games, and none of them were sellouts. Atlanta sold out all three of its playoff games, for crying out loud. Is this what we've sunk to? We're worse than the generally acknowledged worst sports city in the country? I wish I had an answer for this, because it bugs me a lot. There are a number of possible reasons. For one thing, our economy is rapidly collapsing, in which case I guess I can't really blame people - I can't expect people to buy basketball tickets when they can barely afford gas. It could also be the Sixers' curiously horrible marketing department - most of the unsold seats cost like $15, and if you can't find ways to convince people to buy the cheap seats, then that's no good and shame on the Sixers. All those marketing people should be shown the door, because Game 6 was nationally televised and there were vast stretches of empty seats, which is just thoroughly embarrassing. My gut feeling, though, and I really hate to say this, is that maybe people just don't care. Maybe there's only so many Sixers fans left - both because of the team's recent performance itself, and the general image the NBA has. Andrew suggests that people are cynical about the NBA playoff system, and had no faith that the Sixers would advance past the first round, so they didn't bother to pay attention. Certainly possible, but it doesn't quite make sense to me... I mean, bottom line, it's the playoffs. If you can't support your team in the playoffs, when will you? Should people just sit around waiting for the Sixers to become one of the four or five best teams in the league? Are people that disillusioned? I mean, yeah, if the Sixers went like 11-71, then yes, you're excused, you don't have to go to games in March and April. But what is your problem? Making the playoffs isn't good enough anymore?

You know, I've spent my adult life defending Philly fans, but if people can't support our basketball team in the playoffs after having such a great second half of the season, then I don't know why I bother. Morons in this city listen to WIP, they drove Abreu out of town, they think A.J. Feeley is better than Donovan McNabb, they boo the Canadian national anthem, and now they're leaving the Sixers for dead. Well, screw those people.

I just hate this mentality that if you don't win a championship, your season was instantly a failure and a colossal waste of time. Well, if you're wondering whether or not the Sixers had a good season: they did. They didn't get out of the first round, but they had a good season nonetheless. You can trust me when I say that, because I'm a real fan.

PHILLIES!

The local nine continues to rack up wins. I really, really wish they were hitting more, but they're finding ways to win and logic dictates that if the pitching stays as good as it is, and the hitting improves, then we should be theoretically unstoppable. It's a nice thought, isn't it? The Phils' shaky hitting gets a test this week against the Diamonbacks' incredible staff. I'll admit it, I'm a bit nervous about it.

FLYERS!

And then there's these guys. I couldn't be more thrilled about this. I'm delighted, even. Already I'm getting warm and fuzzy memories of great Flyers' runs I've followed... the surprising 2004 team... the classic 2000 team... and the Cup Final team of 1997, when there were Flyers logos affixed to every flat surface everywhere you looked. This team feels a bit different though. Better goaltending, certainly, but even beyond that... they just feel right, like this is how you're supposed to build a hockey team, not just get a superstar like Lindros and put some random guys around him. The 2008 Flyers are stacked, they're confident, they're fun to watch... and, well, you know how I feel about predictions, so I'll just shut up.

In the final game of the regular season, the Penguins lost against us on purpose to avoid playing us in the first round (they deny it, but don't listen to them, that's what happened). I think the Flyers should play up that angle. They should refer to the Penguins as the Cowards in interviews, and just pretend that they think that's their name. "Well, the Cowards have a great team, we're not taking them likely... what? Penguins? What the hell are you talking about?" I'm not saying the Penguins aren't a great team, or that this won't be a tough series - I'm just saying that the Penguins' cowardice sickens me.

Right, I'm off to Flight of the Conchords in a little while...

GO FLYERS!!!

The Round-up (not to be confused with "The Last Wound-up", which was a toy store in Philadelphia in the 1980s that specialized in wind-up toys, I'm not sure what made my brain remember that)

Where are we? The Flyers are up 3-1 on the Habs. They're getting outplayed in literally every aspect of the game and blowing all kinds of two goal leads, and yet somehow they're a game away from the conference finals. If they get there, and pick up a few wins from the Penguins, then we can start throwing around things like "Team of Destiny" and other inherently meaningless sobriquets. I missed last night's game because I went to see the Kids in the Hall at the Keswick. Beyond being a brilliantly hilarious show, it was fun because the Kids announced the Flyers' win (well, sort of) near the end of the show... but being Canadian, they were clearly all rooting for Montreal. (Dave mentioned that his uncle played for the '72 Flyers. I'm guessing this is him?)

The 76ers might play their final game tonight. But you know what? I say they won't. I say they win it and return to Detroit. (At which point the Pistons will be really pissed off, I expect.) I feel confident saying this mostly because I feel like it. I've decided to stop believing in jinxes, curses, and superstitions. We're winning tonight. If we don't, then, well, I guess I was wrong. Relax, it's just a game.

The Phils continue to muddle along like they always do this time of year. They won one against the Padres, and then lost one. Sounds about right. But I genuinely believe that this team is very good, and will play considerably better than this eventually. We just need Jimmy. Where the hell is Jimmy?