"That ball was just literally smoked"
-Gary "Sarge" Matthews

No, Sarge, it really wasn't!

Anyway, here's the latest roundup:

Sixers: Depressing
Flyers: Infuriating
Eagles: Intriguing
Phillies: Frustrating
Union: SO AWESOME.

Yes, that's right, the Philadelphia Union have arrived. I know that in the past I complained about the name and how horrible it is, and I'll just level with you: I'm still not crazy about it. But the logo is just totally sweet. I was at the name announcement on Monday afternoon at City Hall (I would post pictures here, had my digital camera not mysteriously died a few weeks ago) and it was a lot of fun. I can now say that I have seen the commissioner of a sports league in person, because there he was, the kind of goofy-looking Don Garber. The Sons of Ben were there, of course, sucking up all the attention and getting their asses kissed by the assembled dignitaries. Oh, I'm just kidding, it's fine. Anyway, I acquired some Union swag, and now I just have to suffer through the the next ten interminable months of my empty, pointless life before I can finally watch these dudes take the field and end my desperate misery. Or something like that.

Speaking of which, if you're reading this and you'd like to go in with me on the season tickets, please email me, because it's pricier than I expected and I don't think I want to go to all 17 games...

More in a bit.