Speechless


Tragic news from Philadelphia today, as the senile fraud the Phillies call a GM was raped in the ass by the Yankees. A sad, bleak, awful day to be a "fan" of this wretched, heartless organization.

I hope the Bobby haters spend the rest of their lives regretting their stupidity, ignorance, and racism. Fuck them, fuck Gillick, fuck the Yankees, and fuck the fucking Phillies. I'm done.

Raise a glass for Bobby tonight.

Fun article from Bill Simmons this week. He's gotten into soccer through the World Cup and has decided to pick an English Premier League team to follow. He did an admirable amount of research, and invited readers to send in suggestions. Worth the read, and I'm inspired to do the same - it would be fun to follow the Premier League, at least for a year, even though I can't watch any of the games because I don't have Fox Soccer Channel or Direct TV or whatever you need to watch sports from another country.

Like all Red Sox fans, Simmons is an arrogant, crybaby drama queen, and he chose his new favorite soccer team (Tottenham Hotspur, it turns out) accordingly. Being a Phillies fan (i.e., we're all miserable, underachieving losers who hate ourselves), I should probably do the same. So I've narrowed it down to a few possibilities:

Arsenal: Only because I liked "Fever Pitch" so much. (The book, not the loathsome movie starring an idiot.) Also because they're Tottenham Hotspur's biggest rival, and I can continue my streak of despising Simmons' favorite teams. But Arsenal are too popular, too good, and stand a decent chance of winning the title - I'm not used to that, and the culture shock might kill me.

Aston Villa: According to Simmons, "they have the most miserable, self-loathing fan base in the EPL [sic]." My brothers!

West Ham: I've actually always kinda liked West Ham, because I just like the name "West Ham". It's also John Cleese's favorite team. (Michael Palin's is either Sheffield United or Sheffield Wedensday. I can't find anything about the other guys.)

Sunderland: Not currently in the Premier League, but The Futureheads are from Sunderland, and if there's one thing I love it's The Futureheads.

Fulham: Current home of Brian McBride, the American player who got his nose bloodied Rowand-style in the draw against Italy (aka "The Only Good Match Played by the Otherwise Atrocious and Crushingly Disappointing US Team This Year"). Brian rules.

Reading: I need to do a little more research but this is my current favorite. Reading are playing in the Premier League this year for the first time in their 135 year history. Most importantly they feature Northeast Philadelphia's own Bobby Convey. There's a vague symbolic connection to Reading, PA (home, of course, to the Reading Phillies). They have kind of weird blue and white striped kits that I actually sort of like. And when they got promoted last season, their fans invaded the pitch, which is reminiscent of how if the Phillies actually ever won anything we would TEAR THE PLACE APART.

The Premier League kicks off August 19. Let's see if I can decide by then...

Edit: It's come to my attention that it's never referred to as the "EPL", so I've changed all of those. You know, I thought that sounded wrong when I wrote it, but Simmons led me to believe it was acceptable. Damn that stinking Celtics fan!