Sports pledges for 2006

If the Phils make the postseason, I will grow a playoff beard: I won't shave until they win the World Series or are eliminated.

If the US Soccer team wins the World Cup, I'll run out into the street and celebrate with the 10 other Americans who've noticed it happened.

If the US Curling team wins the gold medal, I'll run out into the street and celebrate alone.

If the US Hockey team wins the gold medal, I'll... never mind, that ain't gonna happen. Have you seen the Canadian roster? We don't have a prayer.

When football season begins anew, I will honestly believe to the core of my being that this is The Year.

And it goes without saying that if the Flyers, Sixers, or Phils, or any combination of the three, win a championship, I will weep like an infant, party in the street until dawn, drink wildly unsafe amounts of adult beverages, take off work to go to the parade, and roam the streets kissing all my female friends on the mouth.

It's gonna be a good year...

When it's cold I feel cold, when it's hot I feel ambitious

All right, where are we? The basketball team is no good, though I hear they won tonight. The hockey team has hit a rough patch but they'll be okay, it's January. The football team is on a much-needed hiatus. Stay away, football team, you're not needed here now. The baseball team is signing random idiots to pitch for them, and rumors fly that Bobby might get traded. Screw that! Meanwhile, I'm reading Moneyball so when I'm done that, I'll be a baseball genius and will know exactly what's wrong with the local squad. Trust me, I'll have all the answers in a week or so.

Two other thrilling sporting developments: One, an article in the Inquirer this week (dig around for it, I don't feel like looking for the link) that MLS is getting more aggressive about putting a team in Philly, maybe as soon as 2008. Will we see a return of the Atoms in my lifetime? Awesome. Bad news is, MLS has no interest in the Linc and they want their own 25,000-seat soccer-only stadium. As a lifelong resident of this area, I have to scoff and shake my head sadly. These soccer nerds were clearly not paying attention five or so years ago when everyone in the city was bickering about where to put the Linc and the Bank... and those were for sports that people actually like. A soccer stadium is a tough sell. And where would you put it? (A post I happened to find on a soccer forum suggested BENSALEM, of all places. Can you imagine?) Meanwhile, I vote for putting the Atoms (and mark my words, I WILL send in "Atoms" for the Name the Team contest and I WILL win) in the Linc. I understand the MLS' complaint that the 69,000-seat Linc is too embarrassingly large for American soccer. Point conceded. However: if I wasn't a football fan, I would find the Linc to be an insulting waste of space and money. Currently, the place is used no more than 20 or 30 days a year (no more than 12 Eagles games a season, five or six Temple games, a handful of concerts, lacrosse, exhibition soccer, etc. but not much). It stands mostly vacant all summer. Why not stick a soccer team in there? Don't worry about the vast stretches of empty seats. A little creative camera work, nobody will notice.

Two: I am an Olympic Nerd, and we are less than three weeks away from giant, billowy swaths of Olympic awesomeness. I am proverbially foaming from my proverbial mouth. Check it out: they're showing curling on CNBC every weeknight from 5 to 8. I'm going to come home from work, sit on the couch, and watch curling every night for two weeks. Heaven!

Playoff predictions: I'm going to be bold here. Pittsburgh and Seattle. Yes, let's go with that.

Go to tmbg.com and download their podcast. No really, it's great.