A few weeks ago I said I would never mention this again but it has proved necessary: I hate Brian Skinner. Can the Sixers actually sue Brian Skinner to get their money back? 'Cause they should think about it, maybe. It's almost like he pulled this bait and switch on us. He was so appallingly, abysmally, embarrassingly terrible when he was a Sixer, to the point where I dreaded him being put in a game because I was sure bad things would happen. But now, not only is he playing some solid ball in Sac-town, but he actually helped the Kings beat us last night! He was integral to the outcome of the game! Why? Maybe it's something to do with the coaching system or some damn thing. I prefer to imagine that the universe hates me, and enjoys taunting me with its stupid tragic irony. I hate irony. Irony is the Brian Skinner of abstract concepts.

'05 Manifesto

Yesterday I was belittled by Andrew and Jonathan because I constantly say, dismissively, "Oh, they'll be fine" in regards to the upcoming Phillies season. (Andrew because he's been driven mad with rage over how bad he thinks they'll be, Jonathan because he enjoys belittling me.) Let me explain why I've been saying this. First, I really do genuinely believe the season won't be that bad. Secondly and more importantly, I don't need to remind the loyal reader(s) of this blog that 2004 sucked for me; I was deeply miserable for much of the year, for various reasons, and the Phillies' disappointing season surely didn't help. In other words, I was already upset, and then the Phils went out and sucked, and I took out my frustration on them and was in turn only frustrated more; I let their crappy play bother me to the point that I really believe that I actually went mad for a while there. It wasn't fun at all. Therefore, I've decided not to let the Phils bother me this year. If they're good (and I think they will be) that's great - I'm already excited about the prospect. If they suck, then screw them; I'm not going to waste my time on them. I've got better things to do...

I know that this sort of defeats the purpose of having a sports blog (if I'm not complaining about them, then what is there to write about?) but I'll worry about that later. In the interests of my continued mental health, that's just how it's going to have to be for now.

And to that end, I won't bother mentioning the Sixers for the time being...

SIXERS.

By now you probably know that the Sixers made a huge trade last week, bringing in All-Star Chris Webber and finally divesting themselves of the endless cringing nightmare that is Brian Skinner. [I hate Brian Skinner. I never actually mentioned that on this blog and now I no longer have any reason to. I'll just say, again, that I hate Brian Skinner and be done with it forever.] This is an exciting trade, which (a) actually made people take notice of the Sixers for the first time in like two years, which they definitely needed, living as they were in the shadow of Eagles and playing rather pathetically, and (b) theoretically makes them an elite team in the East along with Miami and Detroit. The only problem is that so far Webber has been HORRIBLE. I caught the fourth quarter last night and saw some highlights, and by and large he was appalling. His leg is obviously bothering him because he can barely move, and he was clangin' and brickin' left and right. At one point he had one go off the rim, got his own rebound, then missed the putback, which got him resoundingly booed (in only his second home game - is that a Philly record?). I'm going to try and calm down about this, and tell myself that it's only three games and once he and Iverson get it together everything will be fine. But so far, this team looks about as mediocre as it was before. If you're going to make a run, guys, then now would be the time to do it, as Boston appears to have actually gotten better, much to everyone's surprise. [I hate Boston. I hate Boston and the punkass teams in Boston. Boston is the Brian Skinner of cities. That's probably an absurd exaggeration, never mind.]

PHILLIES.

When last we left our heroes, they had gotten their wish and the Evil Manager was banished forever, never to grace the House of Lies with his spiteful presence again.

This team doesn't seem quite right. Two years ago they got Thome. Last year they got Wagner. This year, they spend much of their time trying to ignore the rather glaringly obvious fact that they didn't do much of anything at all, except sign a 37 year old centerfielder. The city (collective head pounding with a brutal Eagles hangover) seems down on them, snarling and pacing and ready to hate them for being so disappointing. I'm not quite there yet myself. I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and believe them when they tell me that they're all excited about the season. However, they really should do something exciting to get everyone's attention. Having a great spring would help; they had a generally weird and bad spring last year and it left this pall over the whole season.

I was ready to suddenly hate them already because they lost their season opener today, 8-1. Sure, it's only March 3, but can't you guys wait a minimum of like, six weeks before driving me out of my tiny brain? But then, just a few minutes ago, I caught a bit of the 2004 Video Yearbook on Comcast. I can't imagine that the 2004 Video Yearbook has any more than about five highlights (Thome's 400th home run, Rollins' inside-the-park home runs, Bell's cycle, some other crap) but it was packaged, as always, in such a way that it got me tremendously excited. I'm a simple man, really; show me cleverly edited Phillies highlights and I go all insane and stupid, like a cat chasing a beam of light across the floor. So yeah, I'm psyched; it's Spring Training, everything's going to be fine, life is good. Go Phils.

FLYERS.

I know I keep saying I'm going to write something about the lockout and cancellation, but I've decided that I'm so sickened and appalled by the greed and stupidity on display here that I'm washing my hands of the whole affair. I hate the NHL. The NHL is the Boston of sports leagues. They can all kiss my ass. In twelve months when the whole league has folded, I'll put on my Flyers jersey, browse for hours through flyershistory.com, and remember the good times. Before the Dark Ages.

EAGLES.

Training camp is when, July? NICE.