SIX DAYS...

I actually managed to not think about the Eagles for a few days there (well, not really, but at least I wasn't hyperventilating with excitement like last Monday and Tuesday) but now that we've entered The Week it's all Eagles from here on out. The war of words has begun, with the People's Champion dissing the Pats and the Pats getting all defensive and fussy about it like a bunch of crybabies. I like this; if the Pats were the cool, calm SB vets they claim to be, they would have laughed it off. Way to get in their craw, Freddie. More stuff: The Patriot-Lover checks in with a blog... And check out the Philly backlash here. Oh, I love this . . . I love the way their drama-queen baseball team wins a World Series and suddenly these people get all high and mighty on other cities. I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Boston.

(What is up with the personal attacks on our city? I could mention how Boston is piddlingly small compared to cities like, say, San Antonio that don't even have football teams... but that would be petty.)

And how about this guy? Well, how about it?

Here's yet another article about Philly suffering. Once again the Santa Claus garbage gets mentioned, but I was thrilled to see that they actually found Santa and talked to him! Turns out it's some dude named Frank Olivo. He's an Eagles fan too, so he probably doesn't even care. Unlike self-righteous jerkoffs in random places like New York or Boston or wherever who feel the need to mention the Santa thing without knowing that (a) the dude probably laughed it off and (b) the Eagles were winding down a 2-12 season at the time and were playing like garbage. I'd boo a pathetic attempt by the team to cheer me up, too, and so would you.

The media talks about that stuff. The booing, the batteries, the fights in the stands, the court underneath the Vet, the drunken tailgating. All true, and most of it unfortunate. But why don't they talk about how much we love our teams, too? How about the fierce "Let's Go Sixers" chant right after the Lakers won the Series in 2001? How about the cheering and support Pat Burrell got in the second half of his awful 2003 season? How about the huge ovation the Flyers got in Game 5 of their 2002 playoff series with Ottawa, even though they'd played like trash in the previous four games and had only scored one goal? How about the standing ovation Mitch Williams got at the '93 reunion game? How about the huge crowds at the Eagles training camps the past few seasons? How about how McNabb, Thome, Iverson, T.O., and plenty of others are gods in this town?

You have to get mad and boo once in a while. That's what real fans do. You read this blog last summer; you remember how hatefully angry I was at the Phils for underachieving so repulsively. Why did I do that? Because I'm out of my mind and need serious professional help, and possibly also medication, that's why. But more to the point, it was because those guys are my team, man, and it just killed me, to the very depths of my deranged being, to see them floundering so horribly. People always rave about how St. Louis Cardinals fans are so great, how they sell out games, always cheer and always wear red. Oh, screw them, man. If all you're going to do is just cheer mindlessly, you're not a true fan. I'm sorry, it's weak. You have to boo your team once in a while, just to tell them to get their shit together and stop playing like assholes. You know I'm right!

We boo because we love. I despise the Phillies utterly because of the idiotic things they do and the heart-breaking misery they put me through, but I will never give up on them, because I love them so much. And if that doesn't make sense to you, well, I'm not sure how else to describe it, really.

A brief word about the Sixers: the most bizarrely inconsistent team in the world. They lose to the Hornets one night, beat the Mavs the next. I actually have nothing useful to say about this; it just baffles me. It'll be interesting to see what they do tonight against the loathsome Pacers, and whether or not they'll actually get it together and make a serious run. With a minimum of effort, they should be able to win this dreadful division...

Oh by the way, the Eagles are in the Super Bowl.

Thank you Matt n' Steve for the fascinating conversation (see 1/24 comments below) about Philly fandom and the national media's perception of same. I've thought about and realized that I take it far too seriously (don't I always?). The offending columnist in question had another one today, and I'd have to be a complete jerk not to just take it for what it clearly is: joyous Eagles fans from far and wide are writing in to express their unbridled excitement over what is clearly the greatest thing that's happened in a very long time. It still sort of bugs me that the guy is not actually from here, but what's the difference? People are writing in, they're excited, they're proud, they want to share it with the world. I can't blame them; I'm one of them! They don't care that the dude is from Cali, why should I? I should be joining them, shouting out my love for the Eagles to people far and wide [especially those stinkin' Pats fans up in Boston. Screw them!] The Eagles are in the Super Bowl; nothing else matters.

Looking back over my aborted letter, which was thankfully never sent, I've realized that I come off like a pretentious, party-pooping dick.

So I'll stop.

Better to just enjoy the next ten days, which should just be a fun time, a time for gloating, for celebration, for nail-chewing nervousness, for smack talking with any New Englanders who happen by. And a time that doesn't come too damn often. (Andrew pointed out that all four of our teams have made their finals in the past twelve years, exactly once each, exactly four years apart: Phils in '93, Flyers in '97, Sixers in '01, The Bird in '05. I don't know if that's really cool, or brain-crushingly depressing.)

And then there's this column. I think he's kidding. Maybe I'm stupid but I honestly couldn't tell. It's so suddenly, bafflingly odd.

XXXIX

"Whooo!!!" is right, folks. My Bird came through yesterday in a profoundly entertaining and satisfying game that was nerveracking and nailbiting and all that good stuff. During the gutwrenching national anthem a little voice suddenly appeared in my head and said, "We're going to win this game". Just like that. No huge epiphany, just a simple knowledge of the truth. Confidence, like I've been saying for the past two months. Andrew and I took a walk out to Broad Street to join the revelry, which was surprisingly there, despite the bitter cold and miserably snowy sidewalks. Not as many people as the Sixers celebrations in 2001, but a good crowd and a fun time.

On to the next game. I'm really hoping the Eagles don't get into a "happy to be there" mentality. I'm not just happy to be there. If they lose the Super Bowl I will be sad; I'm telling you that right now. I've been waiting for this my entire adult life, I'm not going to just shrug it off as a nice little reward the Eagles get for winning the NFC game. Screw that. Full steam ahead!

ESPN fallout: This infuriated me all morning. What is this "Don't be greedy, Eagles fans" garbage? The Lombardi trophy isn't the Pats' divine right. The whole attitude here is "Oh, look, you Eagles made the Super Bowl. Just like a real team! How cute. (pat on head) Now go stand there in the corner and don't get in our way while we spend the next two weeks kissing Tom Brady's ass". Screw them. You're damn right getting there isn't enough! I want to win this thing! And then there's these guys, who don't think too much of the Eagles' chances. Are the Eagles inferior to the Pats? Sure, maybe. Who cares? They only beat the Panthers last year by 3, and they needed a late field goal to do that. Ooh, I'm scared. Scoff, I say, scoff!

Boston has won five championships since Philly's last one (Celtics in '84 and '86, Patriots in '01 and '03, Sox in '04). Remember that the next time some Boston fans claims they're "tortured".

Eagle Love comes from this guy but he kind of irks me. Irks, I say! He kind of reduces Philly fans to stereotyped cartoon characters. In response, I wrote the following letter to ESPN.com, but their feedback page was kind of buggy so I couldn't tell if it went through when I clicked. So they either got it three times or not at all. Either way, here it is for everyone's edification:

OPEN LETTER TO ESPN.COM'S PAGE 2

Listen, I appreciate what Brian Murphy is trying to do, I really do. His love and respect for my city is admirable and flattering. It's nice to get some warm words for once, rather than the stern, condescending recrimination that the national media (especially the "Daily Quickie") always feels the need to heap on us.

The problem is that Murphy is from California, and by his own admission, has not actually been to Philadelphia in a number of years. Because of this his tone (while undoubtedly well-meaning) is usually that of a semi-clueless outsider who only knows anything about us from what he hears on ESPN. He seems to believe that we're all lovable, monosyllabic, stinking-drunk buffoons who occasionally manage to clean ourselves up enough to crawl out of our caves so we can tailgate in the Linc parking lot and drink some more. He brings up that tiresome Santa Claus nonsense at random moments to illustrate, in some ill-advised way, how much he loves us, but it feels like a backhanded compliment, as if he thinks we're just here to amuse him.

It may surprise him, and the rest of you, to know that some of us are both passionate about our teams and can string more than two sentences together at a time. I have never booed anyone. I have never thrown batteries. I have never verbally abused the mother of an opposing player at an Eagles game (nor would I, if I could ever get tickets). I have never ridden Smarty Jones down Broad Street on my way to have a cheesesteak with Ben Franklin, and quite frankly, I am tired of Murphy's accusations that I have.

I do not have a mullet, nor does any Philly-dwelling human being I have ever been associated with in any way, past, present, or (god willing) future.

Nearly every other city seems to be represented by a Page 2 columnist (most notably Bill Simmons). Are you telling me you can't find a columnist from Philly, someone who's knowledgeable and passionate about our teams, and can consistently write about them in intelligent, funny, and insightful ways? Is some guy from California who can't get over the fact that a handful of Eagles fans once threw snowballs at a guy dressed as a fictional character really the best you can do?

Look around and see what you can find, and if you can't find anyone, let me know and I'll name my price.

Okay, that's kind of arrogant at the end there, I admit, but it was worth a shot, right?

Hit 'em low, hit 'em high

Here's the cover of the newest TMBG release, which I will be preordering any day now. Check out Puppet John and John! They rule!

More Eagles business: Sal from Philly has the usual gloom and doom. Sports Guy hands out his typical backhanded compliments. (Simmons is a geek and a dirty Celtics fan, but he's pretty funny and I've got a soft spot for him. His biggest problem is that he likes reality TV shows. If pressed I'm sure he'd probably say "Uh, I only watch them because they're so lame and I like laughing at them" but, like, no, I'm sorry. You like reality TV; you're a jackass.) The sinister Skip Bayless, who hates TO, dishes out a quick TO-bash near the end of this one but otherwise it's an Eagle lovefest. Eagle Hater Merrill Hoge is picking the Falcons but Jaws disagrees.

And then there's me. I can't handle much more of this. Can we play the game already?

First off, let me say Happy Birthday to Edgar Allan Poe (a sprightly 196 today) and my brother Jonathan. Jon doesn't have a blog I could point you to, but perhaps this or this will suffice.

Thrilling news: the new Sleater-Kinney album "The Woods" comes out on May 24. You will buy it. News and tracklisting here, a spectacular photo of the ladies here. Oh, to be young and in love.

No Phillies news to report. They re-signed some guys. Ed Wade still sucks. I hate them. Can't wait for spring training!

Okay, so the Eagles play in That Game in a few days. I'm excited, and so is the rest of the city, as far as I can determine, at least in a sort of vague, wary kind of way. I think most people think this is The Year, but are afraid to say so. People, just say so, all right? I used to be superstitious and everything but I can't handle it anymore. Everything's going to be fine. There's nothing us fans can do to affect the outcome of the game, so we might as well just enjoy it. All we can do is do what I plan on doing for the next three days: walking around with my fists clenched and my neck tightened and stretched like a John Kricfalusi character, periodically going "EAGLES!" at random moments. Well, I've thought about it, anyway.

Cautious optimism can be found here and here. God himself speaks to you here. Don't forget to check out the smack talk from the enemy. This is fun, my friends; don't worry. Try to enjoy it.

My computer has more or less died completely. A new hard drive is being acquired, in the hopes that that will work. My old hard drive has been reformatted, but that didn't work either. In memoriam, my hard drive, 2001-2005.

I will have extensive thoughts about the Eagles in a day or two.

In the meantime, allow me to rant about how much I hate that baseball team. I hate to admit this but I'm worried. Right now we look like the third best team in the division and maybe the fourth. They're killing me. I was doing all right until a moment a few weeks ago when my roommate wandered into my room and said, "I just read a rumor that's there's a Tim Hudson for Chase Utley offer on the table". I didn't fully believe this, and anyway I knew such a thing would never happen, because the Phils proved in 2004 that they simply won't trade their best prospects for absolutely anything. So I didn't worry about it . . . until a few days later when Hudson went to the Braves. This just kills me. The Braves get Hudson, the Mets get Pedro and Beltran, the Marlins will undoubtedly be Phillie-killers as usual. Now I don't know what to think. It's not the not trading Utley. It's a combination of things. I mean, you want to hold on to Utley, make him the second baseman of the future, that's fine. Look for a pitcher somewhere else. No problem. On the other hand you could trade Utley, get the pitcher, and then sign Polanco to be your second baseman. That's cool too. But they went and did the third thing, the thing that makes the least amount of sense, which was to keep Utley, NOT get another pitcher, and then spend another $5 million so that Polanco (one of the best 2Bs in the league) can sit on the bench on all year. Why keep both of them? Oh, Ed Wade, you're killing me! Meanwhile we signed Jon Lieber, which is cool, but he's not enough. It's not Lieber I've got a problem with, it's Brett Myers. If they go into the season with Myers in the rotation, and Gavin Floyd in Triple A, I will literally scream a high-pitched scream of terror and hate. And then I will hit things.

And this post no longer makes sense, so I will sign off until the Phillies do something else to fill me with loathing and disgust.

In the meantime, let's all puzzle over how this could still be out there.